Memories of the first bear

Today, somehow I remembered that in my youth I was a member of the photo club of my hometown Cologne. I enjoyed going there a lot though being the shy child that I am I did not dare to go alone and always went there with my friends from school.
When I started to look if the club still exists and has an internet presence I started remembering more things. I found the club and browsed their site, to see if I still could remember more things when maybe seeing names. I recognized one name but I cannot recall the person. However, I do remember that back then during my membership I was fascinated by the guy who was the responsible for the "youth". He was a true bear from what I remember now! I wonder, did it have any influence on my taste in men since at that early stage I was intrigued by this man? I looked on the site but I could not remember his name nor did I recognize anything. A pity, I would love to see him back, see if he still is a bear... I don't even know if he was gay but for sure I was totally fascinated by his masculine bearish appearance, the full beard, the hairy chest... ;) Those are sweet memories, I'm torn between investigating more or letting it rest in the past and my memory. ;)
In any case, I'm still attracted to photography and bears, amongst other things. :)

...it never happens to me.

Picture this: you're sitting in the train, on your way to work, a 20 minute ride. Then, across you on the other side of the aisle, a young punk-ish twenty-ish guy takes a seat. The guy is somehow interesting to look at because of his style. While looking you finally realize that the guy has one hand in his trousers - yes, in his crotch! You start wondering if he suffers from lice or maybe is just re-arranging the "contents"... and while keeping watching you confirm to yourself that indeed he has a hard-on hidden in his trousers! And yes, he is playing with himself, while you keep watching! Of course, you decide not to look any other way but keep looking! And he keeps playing... and there's your stop, you exit the train to go to work.

Well, this did not happen to me but to a good friend. Such things never happen to me. I wonder how I would react if it'd ever happen. Maybe it's how I appear towards others that this would (n)ever happen to me. And I don't even know whether it's something I should be sad about missing...? I guess to experience the "excitement" and being "attractive" to someone else (even for such a purpose as simply being an audience) is cool since it's out of the ordinary (somehow)? How about you, have you had such experiences? How did you like it, how did you react?

Freedom

This evening by chance we switched on the tv and there was a documentary by dutch television about canadian students who were coming to the Netherlands to commemorate the liberation of the Netherlands by the canadian forces on May 5th, 1945, some 65 years ago.
It was an interesting program and I felt intrigued and I kept watching. I was surprised to learn about the canadian students' plan to visit Holland. They "adopt" an individual soldier who gave his life in the war to fight for freedom and liberty and against the very same people I am a descendant from. It deeply impressed me that those young Canadians were so dedicated to honor these men by visiting their graves in Holland. While watching the program I surely shed a tear 'cause it deeply touched me. I felt very emotional about Holland's national holiday today.

Yesterday, during my shift at the airport, at 20.00 hours there were two minutes of silence to remember those who gave their lives. I always find it extremely touching to experience how a normally busy airport completely falls in silence and no one moves or says something. It always gives me shivers and honestly I have to fight tears 'cause I find it very emotional when they end the two minutes with playing the dutch national anthem. I don't know why it strikes me so deeply, but I know it does.

How lucky I am and thankful I should be for living here and now. I should think about this more often and come to realize how little and insignificant my personal individual daily problems are. I should cherish the freedom I have, in every way.

Happiness comes easy

Today, Jelle and I took a little walk around the neighbourhood. Jelle returned from the gym and off we went for our little walk. At first we walked to the station (which is close-by) as I had to load my electronic rail card with new data at the ticket machine. I also charged the card with some money so I can use the card as an electronic ticket for my ride to work as well. Jelle already had done that but I was a bit reluctant to do it... going through the procedure on internet first wasn't high on my priority list. But Jelle and our friend Erwin convinced me of the advantage.
Then we continued our walk through our neighbourhood but not before we stopped at the BP gas station to grab an icecream: Jelle had the new Magnum Gold (which wasn't spectacular according to him but of course he fell for the advertising and the fact that it was supposed to look gold...) while I had a "simple" Solera Exotic, very yummy! The weather outside was very pleasant and the icecream was a nice complement. Anyway, we continued our walk, passing by Jelle's gym which he finally showed me. Now I know where to find him should I need to (as he never takes his phone there). We continued, passed by a Lebanese restaurant that we noticed quite a while ago but haven't tried out yet. It looks very inviting and we hope to try it out some day with our friends (Dani, get up here!!!). We continued, passed by a neighboring district, saw some newbuildings and some still being under construction and we realized how long ago it was that we passed here with our bikes as we hadn't really noticed these changes! We returned into our neighborhood and we kept talking about this and that and shortly before reaching our home we passed a building in which a colleague and friend lives. We hadn't seen him for a while and while passing along the doors I was wondering which door it was 'cause I couldn't remember. Jelle knew and we hadn't really finished talking about it that suddenly we heard someone behind us shouting. We turned and guess who it was: our friend had just left home to go to the airport to fly to work (yes, he works for the same company as we do). So of course it was immediately a happy "Hello" and kisses and smiles! So instead of going home we accompanied him to the train station again all the way chatting and updating ourselves about the last news. We dropped him at the station and Jelle and I returned finally home debating on the chances that we would meet him now and there...
I finally came to the conclusion that things like this make me happy: meeting a friend, receiving a smile, knowing that someone else is happy to see me too... I also arranged today to meet another friend next weekend and all that made me happy and thankful. Happiness does come easy sometimes.

The ideal flight

Here's a question to those of you who are - like me - interested in civil aviation: the other day I was talking with my Jelle about airlines and planes and previous journeys we made, sharing some beautiful memories. At that point I was thinking how the ideal flight would look to me, based on my personal experience so far. I came up with the following: the flight should be with an Airbus A380, with a business class configuration like Emirates Airline has, with an inflight catering/meal service that equals at least that of Etihad and Qatar Airways, with an inflight entertainment system like Emirates uses in Business Class on its Airbus A380 and with the crew (flight attendants/pilots) from Lufthansa. To me, that would be the ideal combination.
So, how does YOUR ideal flight look like?

Desire

There it was again: a beautiful face. This time I saw it on tv but it can show up anywhere. The beautiful face of a man - not a particular one but simply someone I see and like. It can be mature, it can be young. Usually it's a bearded face but not always. Actually, I don't even know how to describe what makes it beautiful: facial hair for me for sure (like a stubbly beard will do), but it can also just be the twinkle in his eyes, the colors of the eyes, the simple but honest smile... single little things could make it qualify for the title "beautiful", the sum of the little things sure is a guarantee for it.

Then, with that face, comes the urge to touch it, feel it, maybe even be allowed to give it a gentle or passionate kiss. My mind starts building those huge fantasy worlds of how it would be... those thoughts of exploring, of discovery.

But then, the program on tv continues, the man on the streets passes by without returning my glance, the fantasy worlds collapse, the daily routine returns.

Yet, all that remains is desire. The desire to be with him, the desire to know how it feels to receive what I would love to give. But that'll be all I ever get: a glance at what I missed many years ago, what I never had, never will.

I rely on the man in my life, my hubby whom I love, a rock in stormy sea, a safe harbour.

Only sometimes that flame of desire flares up a little when I see it: that beautiful face...

Tragedy

Yesterday I was touched by the death of the german goalkeeper Robert Enke, aged 32. He took his life by jumping before a train. It was said he was depressed and never overcame the death of his daughter (2.5 years). He leaves his wife and an eight month old adopted daughter behind.

I think it's a tragedy that no one could help this man to overcome his grief for his child. It's a pity the only way out for him was to find the way to his deceased daughter. It was heartbreaking to see his wife on tv giving a press conference - amazing how strong that woman was, how she spoke of their hopes to overcome the loss of their daughter with their love for each other that as she said glued them even more together. Sadly, it was not enough for Robert.

Twitter?

I don't get it: what is the whole world loving about twitter? Yeah sure, I'm on there too. Until recently, I was even twittering publicly. But I decided to go private since I have unknown people following me and I simply don't like that idea and can't get used to it. Why would anybody who doesn't know me at all be interested in what I twitter? That's weird. So I threw out all unknown followers and went private. To come back to the beginning: what's the big deal about twitter? To me it seems like it's a sort facebook but reduced to status updates and public. But since I'm on facebook too it seems odd to update there and on twitter? And updating on FB and twitter differently is even more strange, why would I do that? The possibility of interaction with followers seems less attractive to me on twitter than on FB. Following a "discussion" with multiple comments seems easier to me on FB than on twitter. But maybe that's not the idea of twitter? So for me twitter at the moment is not attractive. I reduce my activity there. I stopped following most people since most of them didn't twitter anyway or very seldom and/or are (more) active on FB as well (so that's easy...hahaha).
If someone can explain the whole twitter idea to me, go ahead and tell me.

Dubai Fountain

Dubai Fountain
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

I've recently paid a short visit to the exciting city of Dubai. Here's a short video of one of the spectacular sights of the city, the Dubai Fountain. The sound and music you hear is that played during the performance, nothing has been added by me. The clashing sound you here is that of the water. It is an impressive show and they perform several a night, though they all seem to be alternating and different in length and music and lights. An amazing spectacular!
The building that can be seen in the background is the Burj Dubai. It's filmed from the bridge that connects Soukh al Bahar with the Dubai Mall.
Sorry for the inferior quality but I only have the possibility to record video with my Nikon Coolpix camera. But I guess it gives a good impression on how the fountain looks.

Emotional

There is this Whitney Houston song playing in my head all afternoon..., the lyrics "... I get so emotional baby, every time I think of youuuhuuuu..." going through my head. It strangely feels like a soundtrack though I don't know the lyrics at all except for that part I mentioned which keeps repeating in my head... like those annoying songs from time to time that simply stuck in your head without obvious reason... Does this happen to you as well, that you feel much more emotional on one day than the other? I can't think of any specific reason why I am like this today... but I am. The slightest thing touches me and I almost feel like crying aobut little things that I hear when we talked. Today is such a day that I physically miss you a lot, to hug and feel that very special and dear friend, to feel some warmth. I feel like I soak up every little piece of love, warmth, appreciation like a dry sponge. Usually it's not "thaaaat bad"... I can keep up my mood pretty well I think. But obviously there are days for whatever reason that I'm less perfect. Like today. Sure, I have my hubby and we are doing very well. Yet, there are things I miss. There's a deep desire for warmth, ..., love and all kinds of other attention, like nice words. For example, I wish I'd one day hear words of being desired too, like you speak of others. Not necessarily from you but to experience such a sensation of being desired. I sometimes get a hint of that on flickr but it does not feel real and is far away. But I think a lot about such things, wondering how certain things I never experienced in my life could be. I can't remember ever being desired by someone, physically. With passion. Not that you can do anything about it. But you know me and what I talk about. Sometimes I think I travelled my life in one big circle and somehow feel I haven't moved forward one single step since the end of 2007 in certain ways. Of course there have been positive changes for me, luckily. But other things haven't changed and I wonder if they ever will? Can you still change certain things at my age? Can you make up for things of which you think you missed them? Did I really miss them, anyway? Is it enough for me to soak up your stories about such things, to hear your "wild" stories and think of my "possibly missed opportunities"? I am thankful for having my hubby by my side. I need him and he is important. But as great as he is he can't change my shortcomings.

...and still all I hear is that "...I get so emotional baby..."

Paris.

Another recent trip took Jelle and me to Paris! It had been very long since our last trip to this beautiful city and so we were looking forward to a re-visit very much. Colleagues had been to the city by Thalys train and inspired us to try the same - so we did! And I must say we liked it a lot! We managed to get a special offer in First Class and that's really great travelling! During the trip you have free access to Wifi and they constantly serve you drinks, snacks and between Brussels and Paris even a full cold meal, like in an airplane! We loved it.



In Paris we had picked a very nice luxurious hotel, the Pullman Bercy. The location was not in the center but nevertheless close to the metro and very quiet and convenient. It is located near to a little park in Bercy and next to a small mall that was build in renovated industrial buildings. It was very cozy with lots of restaurants and all the shops and many people, you could hardly tell there's a economic crisis going on... We were very lucky with the weather and enjoyed a nice dinner outside in that mall.
We didn't have specific plans for sightseeing as we both had already been to the city before. We just walked around without plan and enjoyed all the impressions of a fascinating city. Though in the end we came by all the typical sights, like Notre Dame, Champs Elysée, Arc de Triomphe, Montmartre, Sacre Coeur and Eiffel Tower. We made some detours on our walk through one or the other park and also visited some of the many train stations the city has as we always find it interesting to visit stations.
After only two nights our visit ended already and we headed back to Amsterdam, again with the Thalys.
Jelle and I really enjoyed trip and city a lot and plan to go back.

Two trips.

Recently I have taken two trips (again) to Spain. I have been to Madrid alone to visit Dani during Orgullo Gay. It was a very busy visit. Dani met some people on several occasions as he is a very social man. The parade in Madrid is nice, it again seemed to me like one big party of gay and straight people. I liked it. Personally though I think it's too long. It was nice to have the opportunity to meet Javier, one of Dani's dear friends, during this trip for the first time.




The second trip took Jelle and me to Valencia. Sera, Dani's boyfriend, had invited us to visit him and Dani during one weekend. So Jelle and I flew down there and joined the two. It was a very nice, calm and relaxed weekend. Sera and Dani showed us around and Jelle and I truly fell in love with the city! It's beautiful! Everything was perfect: the weather was hot but gorgeous, we had a splendid hotel that Sera had arranged and we truly enjoyed walking around the city and chatting with our friends and absorbing the impressions of sounds and sights of that fascinating city.
Unfortunately we had to leave early as it was a very busy travel weekend and all flights were pretty full. In order to make sure to get home we had to head home early but luckily the flights worked out fine for us. We decided to take a flight with Iberia Regional to Lisbon and from there with TAP to Amsterdam. Especially the TAP flight was very pleasant and despite having a very long return trip it still was interesting as Jelle had never flown them before.

uninspired.

I'm sorry for not posting here lately - but I simply feel empty in the sense that I cannot find the right words to write about what moves me lately, about things that I could share here or whether it makes sense at all to post something here. It did in the past though and I guess it'll still make sense in the future but at the moment I don't really feel inspired. I'm not abandoning it and I also wouldn't call it a break but I simply feel I will only post things that really matter in some way to me rather than littering my blog with boring stuff.
Hugs,
Guido

lilbro's surprise for me!

Me and Dani's gift
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

A few days ago, early morning, I was just up, the door bell rang and the postman had a small package for me: a gift by my beloved lilbro! He had made a book with all the photos of our trip to Japan and he gave it as a gift to me and on that mentioned morning it arrived! Just like that, as a surprise, isn't that fantastic?!

I am so happy, it is really beautiful, thank you so much lilbro! All the wonderful memories come back to my mind and it makes me extremely happy to think of all the good times we had, it was a fantastic trip and this book is a perfect way to remember it and share it with others! Looking at it makes me want to start planning the "sequel" with you lilbro. I wish I could share it here with you, my readers, but one can only really appreciate the efforts he put in it and the beauty of it when taking it in your hands and physically turn the pages.

I have shown it to several colleagues already and they all liked it very much! But their appreciation is nothing compared to mine. I am so proud of my lilbro, of our trip, of the book and I am truly thankful to you for showing me so much of that beautiful country Dani. Without you, I would never have seen all the beauty this country has to offer.

In moments that I feel a bit sad without really having a reason I can think of our trip and look at the book and all the beautiful memories come back and the warmth of love and harmony comes back and wraps around me like the warm blanket that I sometimes need. You haven't told me but I know it's a very special book, a magical gift to me.

Thank you, a thousand kisses and hugs, my beloved lilbro! That's by far never enough to thank you for it, but I hope you accept it as a first down payment on my debt ;)

My trip with Dani to Japan: a video summary by Dani.

Today, I would like to share a video with you. It is very precious to me for several reasons: my lilbro Dani made it and it is a beautiful and stunning summary of our vacation in Japan. In my eyes, he captured the true spirit of our holiday: the harmony between us, how we enjoyed the exotic destination, the beauty of the country and its people, how we had fun, how we laughed, how we enjoyed to discover all the things we came across daily! He managed to put all our excitement and joy into this beautiful short video. When I watch it I do remember all the moments, all beautiful emotions I associate with the images come back and I really do enjoy that. It feels like reliving the holiday with Dani again. I hope you all like it as much as I do. Please enjoy.



Thank you Dani, my beloved lilbro, for making this wonderful video. It's a gem and a wonderful surprise you gave me.

It makes me very happy.

Woof Metal Alchemist

On the "Woof - bear blog" I saw this video posted and I loved the accompanying title :)



I had to share it here since I know some of you like the Full Metal Alchemist manga... :)

Wrestling bears

I always say I'm not into sports at all - but when I look at these men, I seriously start developing an interest for wrestling! :)

Hairspray on the Seven Seas!

This is AWESOME: Royal Caribbean will have "Hairspray" as one of two shows on the brand new mega cruise ship Oasis of the Seas which will join the fleet end of this year:

I can't believe it, it's amazing, I can't wait to go see it, both ship and show :D

Happy Easter 2009

 

Happy Easter 2009!

Here, have a million dollars.

"You have to give away a million dollars."

Wow. That's easily answered you would think, right? Well, at least I thought so in the first instance. But then, when I started to think about the details I couldn't exactly figure it out. Of course you start thinking "I have to give to charity". After all, people look at you and your answer and most probably expect that. But then it get's difficult: what charity? But then again, what do I care about others? It's my money supposedly and I can decide what I do with it.

Suppose there are no restrictions in how I give away the money:

What I knew right away was that I would split the amount: Of course I would give some of it to my parents. Then another part would go to my friend Katja. Many years ago I made a deal with her: should I ever win the lottery I would give her part of that. I made the same promise to my lilbro, he would get a significant (bigger than Katja's) amount as well. I would also make sure a small part would go to my ex Klaus, he is a great guy but always short of money. For him a monthly transfer of a certain amount over a longer period would be nice. Then, of course I would make sure there is a big amount for my hubby. I would want him to have a financial safety net. A little is left now for charity. I don't exactly know what charity it would be but I think I would like it to be some gay project. I would have to investigate what kind of gay projects I would consider worthy receiving some money. So I wouldn't save the planet, environment, kids or animals with it. No, it should be something to help other gays.

So, here's how I would split it up:
Mom and Dad 200000
Katja 100000
Lilbro 200000
my ex 100000
my hubby 300000
charity 100000

Well, it's definitely not spectacular but I like the idea that I could give some money to my loved ones. They are dear to me. I could see the money go to a good cause and not disappear in an anonymous giant charity organization.

Suppose this split up of the money and giving it to family/friends would not be allowed:

I can see this alternative: I would set up a trust that gets the full amount. The members of the trust who decide what charity receives money from it would be (guess who) my mom and Dad, Katja, lilbro, Klaus and Jelle.

So this would be my million dollar spree. How would your's look like?