Fabulous.

Alright, so I made it to the movies tonight. At first, it didn't look like I was meant to see "ST". In my earlier post you could read about my attempts to buy the tickets online in which I did not succeed. Then we left home. We decided to go via Central Station with the train instead of a direct Metro train to the cinema, which is next to Amsterdam Arena, a Pathé Multiplex. We opted for the train as I thought it would be a good idea to grab something to eat before settling for the movie. At Arena, there's no fastfood close by. Ok, I started with a chicken finger from the "automatiek" (a self service snack bar in the wall) and then headed for the Burger King on platform 2. I thought I had at least enough time to grab something and eat it on the next train to Arena. They call these places "fast food", don't they? Naturally, it took ages and I decided to walk away as I wouldn't be served in time... sigh... now it was too late of course for any other place, they were also quite busy too everywhere. Oh well, I won't starve I figured... The train even arrived on time. But left with a delay. That meant we would not arrive in time at Arena. Of course, en route, it clocked up even more delay and we arrived almost ten minutes late at the cinema. Since only one box office was opened (!!!) and therefore had a long queue I opted to try the self service ticket machines. The first one seemed to work with my reduction pass. But at the end it refused to continue and print tickets. Damn. So I started queueing. Though Jelle tried another machine and now we decided to go for the normal pay transaction which surprisingly (or is it?) worked. On to the next obstacle. The entrance: they have one central entrance, only one kid is checking the entry and he was in a discussion with some other visitor who had lost something before... But finally, we got through, arrived at our cinema, found a nice seat (it was not very full) and at the moment we sat down, the movie started. Yeah, we made it, woohooo!!! ;-)

The first thing I noticed was the music. Right from the beginning, with the opening titles, I loved it! The opening titles were beautifully done, technically speaking. Very subtle, they set the tune and dragged you into the movie. At first I thought: Oh my god, this is not my movie, I don't like it, why is he singing right in the beginning? I was hesitant to let the story take over, let my imagination awake. I thought I didn't like the dark and grey set. I was rejecting my imagination's attempt to take over and lead me to another world. One that I loved before so often, one that I hadn't visited since a long time: the world of fantasy! But then, slowly but surely, I gave in and started to like it. I entered the world and arrived in the London of Sweeney Todd. I started being fascinated by the fantastic set, the dark and grey colors and the characters. Interestingly, the music to me sounds less "heavy" and dark and is a perfect counter balance to the visual impression one gets from the movie.

So far, I never was a real fan of Johnny Depp but I think he did a tremendous job in this movie, an excellent play! Surprisingly, he even sung pleasantly. As well as all other characters and their actors who were very interesting and played very well! Mrs. Lovett's role for example performed by Helena Bonham Carter was fabulous!

The film was never boring, there was a welcome and pleasant speed in the story telling. As I did not know much about the story beforehand the pace was pleasant, not to slow that it could be boring, not too fast that I couldn't understand it anymore.

The story's and movie's tension likewise was built up and at the end culminated in a to me maybe surprising or at least slightly unexpected finale. On a side note I would like to mention especially to Dani that it reminded me of the Death Note manga: a bit like Light, he - Sweeney - feels like he must take revenge and takes the lives from those he (and Mrs. Lovett) think they won't be missed, their death being justified . For a moment it strongly reminded me of Death Note.

The music of Mr. Sondheim is fantastic. I didn't know it before but I really loved it from the beginning! The songs, especially the duets are gorgeous and sung very well. I can't remember the last time that I really thought the songs were so essential to the movie than here (knowing of course this is a musical...). After all, they tell the story, almost all essential lines are actually songs. Once I had surrendered myself to the magic again it natural that they would start to sing instead of say something. The sound of the music, produced by a real big orchestra beautifully supports the different moods and characters. If you read a bit about the music and learn how complicated it actually is I must admit that I did not notice it during the movie - but I think that is a big kudos to the actors (who all did their own singing) who did such a tremendous job in acting and singing that they made the songs sound so perfect for the movie that you actually do not notice the complicated technical nature of the music.

What is so fascinating about the story itself is the fact that it is about something we all know: revenge. It's a fairy tale, true. But it's cruel you might say, but what real fairy tale isn't cruel either...? But it's not only cruel. It's also about love. As the promotional website puts it: "... it combines our most violent impulses with our most tender", "...at heart it's a very passionate, dark love story". There is so much in Sweeney Todd that I didn't expect. It's not just another entertaining movie, it's more than that. It really has a story to tell. It's fabulous, a must see movie I would say.

Precious.

Friendship is precious. I realize this now more than ever before. I have very few friends only. During the years in the relationship with Jelle we both were happy with ourselves and were fully concentrating on each other. We neglected the few friends we had back then. Something that's probably normal in a relationship or at least not unusual. But it's a mistake. I only had (and luckily still have) one friend in Amsterdam. The few others are in Germany. But that's so far away, too far for spontaneously having a coffee, a visit to the cinema or visiting each other to talk, the things you do with friends. And I even seldom see the Amsterdam friend, I usually meet him a few hours once a year in Germany on a aviation trade fair we both usually attend to. Isn't that sad? But I started to change that. I realized I made the mistake of not being there for friends. I did not do enough to maintain friendships. It was difficult for my friends to get in contact with me. I hated (and actually still do hate) the telephone and avoided to pick up if someone called. I have a mobile phone for years. Only recently I started using it. Still, only few people have my number, but it's a start.

A thing I inherited from my father is who you call a friend. In german language there is a distinction between a friend and an acquaintance. So calling someone a friend is something I am very cautious with. I know quite some people but I wouldn't necessarily call them a friend. For me, they fall into the category "acquaintance". I don't mean to be cruel or hard or unfriendly towards them. But I do believe that there simply is a difference. A friend is always there for you, will listen to you, cry with you, laugh with you, tell you unpleasant truths, will encourage you, will catch you if you fall, all these things that require trust, love, courage, intelligence, emotions, time and the will to invest all this in you and receive it vice versa! An acquaintance is either not willing to do this or lacks one or even several of these attributes. Which is fine of course, but therefore I personally like to make that distinction. I have learned that from my father and I believe he is right. The only "problem" is the "maintenance" of friendships, which require a lot of investment of time and all the other "ingredients" I mentioned above. If you are careless with that, you start loosing friends. That was my problem and I hope to be able to fix this in the future. But it's not easy to make a start. At least not for me. As I said in an earlier post I consider myself as shy. So for me it's difficult to approach others. The internet works in my advantage though, as I find it easier to talk to a stranger for the first time. But the road is long and winding. I feel so impatient. I can't wait to have built new friendships. But that's something said easier than done. I somehow feel trapped. There is this little opening to the world, called internet. I make use of it. But that's not enough. I still struggle to find and meet new people. As without them, there's no friendship. I noticed that I enjoy talking to someone via chat and it improves my mood. But it does not replace personal interaction. I need to be more patient and be more open towards others. I think I do not dare to ask and speak to people to avoid being rejected, even if it's for a simple thing as a having a coffee together. This was me, the sheep afraid of a wolf that wasn't there. To accept a "no" as not particularly being a catastrophe is a first step, isn't it? Step by step I will meet the people who treasure my friendship as much as I will treasure theirs. I believe in it. I'm just impatient. When I met Jelle he was someone who became a friend very fast before we became lovers. During our relation he was truly supportive in many ways. He believed in me. He encouraged me, he helped me believe in me. In a relationship that's something you take for granted. You tend to forget it's something special. I forgot to treasure it. But I do remember now. I am thankful, I will always be thankful to him for what he was, is and will be for me. Even though I cannot show it to him at the moment, even though I do not know what direction our relationship will go. Then, not so long ago I was fortunate enough to meet one of the most wonderful people I ever met in my life. He won't take too much credit for what he does and means to me. But this man is one big support to me. I call him my best friend. He really makes a difference in my life. He made me awake. Thanks to him I started believing in me again. He sees in me what I can't but he helps me opening my eyes. He is there for me, catches me when I fall, invests a lot of time in me, cares for me and likes me the way I am, trusts me. He is a true friend. He is just like my little brother. His friendship is most precious to me. Thank you, Dani.

Stupid!

I was just trying to reserve tickets for the cinema. I want to go see "Sweeney Todd" tonight, together with Jelle (I am amazed, 'cause he actually doesn't like musicals, Johnny Depp and no film musicals). I have a prepaid card that's giving a 30 percent price advantage and you can reserve online, in order to avoid standing in line at the cinema. Now I know that it can be done 'cause I've done it once before. But this time? It's impossible, I simply cannot find a way to reserve the tickets on this card. Either I turned into a complete moron or they changed something on the site or for some other reason the possibility won't show up on the site. I don't succeed. So let's hope not too many people want to see "Sweeney" tonight, I'll just be a go-show. In case it's full I have plan B which would be "The other Boleyn Girl" which is showing around the same time. Read tomorrow what movie I saw. ;-) What a stupid site!

Foster's airport architecture

IMG_3966
Originally uploaded by stjohn88

On Friday, the new and third terminal of Beijing's capital airport will be opened. It's a fascinating architecture, designed by acclaimed architect Norman Foster. If you can read dutch, there's an interesting article about the opening and the terminal here.
Also check the flickr photos of St.John with fantastic photos of the new terminal, sure worth a look!

Relax

Relax
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

I know it looks kinda weird, the thing on my head. But the description that was included in the box claims this tool helps you relax. So I thought why not give it a try? I must say it feels indeed pleasant but I can't really claim it relaxes... maybe I am not using it long enough and the right way. But it is for your head... isn't it? ;-)
I got this as a present from my dear friend Katja who I often refer to as 'Liebchen' and she always thinks of me and takes good care. We know each other from the time I used to work back in Germany in Würzburg. I convinced her to become a flight attendant and she did that and we are now colleagues again at the same airline, isn't that funny? I always love it when she visits on a duty trip, she can request trips and she regularly does so luckily we get to see each other a few times per year that way, on company expenses :-p

Rage.

Yesterday, I got really upset at work. Well, there are many things at work momentarily that upset me. Where do I start? Let's begin with yesterday. To explain what happened I have to tell a little background so you will understand.

Beginning of the month our company introduced what they call the CitP (which I refer to as "shitpee"), a "common IT platform" that must help make bookings, check-in, etc. within our company and between us and our partners easy, faster, better, cheaper... you name it. Together with introducing this background software they also forced us to work on a different program to access this CitP. Until now, many of us used an old program provided by Unisys where you had to use codes to get the information out of the systems. The new program they now force us to use is based on a graphic user interface (GUI). You push some buttons and don't need to know codes anymore. All those managers even think this program does all by itself and you don't need to know anything anymore... which is not the case but that's a different story...

Anyway, to get to the point of my post: most of us hate the new GUI program and we all prefer to work on the old system. However, they disabled it for everyone, except for some colleagues who also work in a different department where they can't do without the old program. So though they tell us it's not working anymore, the truth is it still is. They just don't want us to use it anymore. So then don't bullshit us. And don't think we are stupid. The GUI based program is simply an interface that only "translates" the push of a button on the screen into the required code of the underlying original code based program that we would love to use... so what's the deal? Arggghhhh.

But, what made me so upset yesterday is the following. A colleague asked me if I knew why another colleague (my Jelle actually) could still use the old program. I answered I didn't know that but that I could imagine it had to do with his position (having to work in the different department as well regularly). She is in the same situation as Jelle but obviously felt jealous that he might have something that she hasn't because she immediately jumped up and went to the boss! I watched amazed and asked her what's the deal, what's wrong? She would not say a word to me, just went straight away. So another colleague and I just watched astonished and I called her again to ask what's wrong but she went away with a red head! So I said "She is crazy" to my other colleague. Some time later she came back to the counter. She did not say a word. I didn't look at her. I refused to speak to her, luckily she did not address me either. When I went home moments later I only greeted my other colleague, not her. It's the second time this girl has potentially done something on Jelle's cost just to get better herself. That's the first thing that upset me, because she only asked me, not Jelle and I even did not know what she wanted to know... how can you rely on this and make a complaint to your boss? That's plain stupid! And then, this girl really has the guts today to call me at home on my day off to aks if I was willing to change shifts with her on saturday so she can meet people that have to do with her horse... Can you imagine? My ass, your horse! Of course I refused to swap. Bad luck for her. I am better off with my late shift. She didn't even offer an apology that she refused to speak to me yesterday, she did as if everything was fine and normal today... Women, arrrggghhhh! Sometimes I feel I am surrounded by morons.

Ah, this feels good. I told you why I was upset. Another thing that had an influence on my mood yesterday.

That thing with Spain...

How funny, I was just trying out the site meter on my site and guess what? I already had a visitor who came from a google search and it was from Madrid, Spain. Yesterday I chatted with someone from flickr for the first time who is also from Madrid. Isn't that funny? I definitely have something with Spain lately... ;-)

King of Queens.

While I was writing my previous post the tv that was still running in the background while Jelle was sleeping away in his chair suddenly aired King of Queens. I don't watch too much tv I must admit. But now I felt like cheering myself up a little. It's a nice, carefree comedy program and it made me smile and feel a bit better. I sat in my chair in front of it, had some delicious not self-made Tiramisu followed by some not so delicious chips... yeah, weird combo I know. But I was getting hungry when I saw the main character... haha... ;-) See, I am a couch potato, Dani.

Roller coaster.

That's how it's going with my emotions sometimes, like on a roller coaster. Up and down and a looping and up again... I felt quite stable recently and then, all of a sudden, I tear myself down today. I seem to love to pity myself, argghh... and it's so easy to let yourself go and let that feeling take control. I lack a lot of self confidence. I know that. I seem to need constant confirmation that I am nice, cute, friendly, likeable maybe... whatever. I sort of get some of that confirmation from flickr. You know, the site where people comment on your photos. When they do it feels good. I am happy. Someone notices me. If they don't, my mood gets into gear... that's how it feels. Not always, but sometimes.

I surely miss human interaction (though I have enough of that at work: I work in a service industry with daily customer contact, but that's so different from what I want of course). But there is that other problem: I consider myself a shy person. So I usually don't go out. Even if I would go out I would not dare to speak to someone I don't know. Jörg from the jayjay blog had an interesting remark lately when I told him this: people could also walk up to me and contact me. I had never thought about that possibility... that's what I mean, lack of self confidence. ;-) For me, internet is easier. I feel more confident to speak to someone. I really like a bunch of people over at flickr. But many of those fine people are far away, in America or South Africa or else in Europe. Not exactly around the door, someone close by to have a coffee with and talk. But I would so love that at times. For example: I was looking forward to this evening, I had arranged with my colleague Iris to go to the cinema. But she had to reschedule and we now planned to go on thursday. She had to cancel that as well, poor Iris is nursing her ill kids at home, so it's simply bad luck. We will find another date as soon as possible. It's not a problem. I now plan to go to the cinema alone on thursday, maybe with Jelle if he wants to. I need to be more independent and make myself not too dependent of other people.

Anyway, once I have found someone I trust, like, maybe even get to love I can get possessive. I try to claim that poor person. I must not do that. It has the opposite effect of what I want, it sure must feel repulsive to them. I am sorry to my friends (the very few I have) if I act that way. I must realize I am not the only person in their life. It's perfectly fine, I am simply one of many. As Dani said, they simply cannot be around just for me all the time. Everyone has his own life with problems, feelings, friends, lovers. He is of course right. Again, I should not make myself too dependent of others.

The most important thing though is not allow myself all the time to tear myself down. I need to fight that feeling right in the beginning. Before it gets too strong. I now feel better again for two reasons, because I received a confirmation of care and therefore I can fight again. It's so simple with me, I'm such a simple guy... but: I still make myself too dependent on those confirmations. I need to be able to do without them for a longer period. I believe that no one can do without.

Gosh, this all probably does not really make sense to anyone else other than myself. But it doesn't matter, for now I only write for myself and I feel it helps. For now.

A tender hug to you.

Introduction to my blog.

I started my blog with some sad thoughts. But I wanted to tell them as I really felt sad yesterday. But of course I should write some introducing words about the purpose of this blog. Well, it purely serves one simple purpose: to tell someone about my feelings, my
thoughts and my desires.

Wait a minute, I hear you saying, aren't you in a relationship? Well, yeah, sort of. Jelle and I live together since about ten years now. But we are in a crisis at the moment. Of course we need to talk about us, but I also feel I have to out my feelings to someone "neutral",
someone outside of our relationship. That's you, exactly. Oh well, and my hair dresser of course (to use a bad old german joke)...

So if you are interested in what I have to say about me or the things that bother me, read on. If you are more of a visual type, why not try and have a look at my flickr photos at http://www.flickr.com/photos/? If that doesn't help, in some time I hope to have built up some movie suggestions and maybe you can find some distraction there. Of course there's also the music I listen too that you might be interested. Still not satisfied? Now it's getting difficult... well, have a look around yourself to find something of interest and else, check out my blog mates ;-)

That said, I feel i also need to mention that I won't be able to post something every day. I could try but I know in advance I won't manage to do that. I am working irregular shifts and it's impossible for me to have a decent regular private schedule. So I do thing more spontaneously, less planning unfortunately. So I suggest to add this blog to your feed reader so in case of any updates you will be noticed immediately. Very handy, I daily use google reader for the pages I am most interested in. I can only highly recommend to use it, too.

Oh, you wonder, what will I talk about here? Different things. As you can read above, my interests are diverse. I love bear men so I might bother you with some comments on recent sightings of a beautiful bear man or events or whatever has to do with the bear men's world. ;-) I also like going to the cinema. I haven't done that too much in recent years but hope to resume it more often and hopefully I can tell about the movie I've seen. I work in the airline industry and I am also interested in civil aviation. And I love to travel, with planes or cruise ships for example. So you might find posts here about my travels or airline or cruise related items. For some reason I have a general interest in public transport, so I also like trains, trams and
metros and to a lesser extent also buses. Technical gadgets, Apple computers, internet and stuff do get my attention too. Finally, I love design and architecture. So you might see posts about this topic as well.

Reading about my interests you might have realized that there is a lot of dead, technical stuff surrounding me. I realize that. I am in a process of trying to change it. I need to. As I do not feel happy about it. I miss something, I miss live, I miss love. You receive love by people, by friends, not by trains, planes or ipods... So this blog is most probably not only about trivia but things that really move me.

Please do leave a comment. I am most happy to get in contact with people. I want to meet new people, make friends. I know it's possible, even on internet. Friendships grow when you get to know someone, meet someone in person. Let's start out here. I look forward to meet you.

For now, I thank you for your interest. Please come back soon or even better add me to your feed reader like google reader.

Take care and let me give you a hug.

P.S.: Please bear with me while this blog develops. In the beginning you might see some changes, some things not working or not looking good. I am sure I will develop my own style, in the beginning I might look at other blogs to get some inspirations. But I am new to this stuff and have to figure things out. With the time comes experience on what and how I want to publish here and how I deal with comments and other for me yet unknown things. Thank you.

現在を楽しめ or Carpe diem.

This is my first blog entry and it's a sad one, too. When I returned to work after my vacation I heard that the father of one of my colleagues had died. I was a bit shocked as I hadn't seen any card or anything. But later during my shift I had a chance to go and see her and express my condolences. She was thankful for that and we talked very long. It made me think of Jelle's father's death some years ago. I was very sad back then (even though I had only known his father for a relatively short period but really felt loved and accepted by him) and talking with the colleague brought back those memories. And of course it made me think of my own parents who are now both 70 years. My father had a check-up yesterday and will have to go to a hospital beginning of March. A routine check because they found some irregularities... he had his heart attack some years ago and I'm not too fond of any of these checks on his heart, always afraid that something could go wrong. The whole thing with my colleague's father reminded me that we all have to be thankful for every second we can spend with our loved ones, be it parents, the man of your heart or your friends. Carpe diem (or, as Dani would like to write it: 現在を楽しめ).