lilbro's surprise for me!

Me and Dani's gift
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

A few days ago, early morning, I was just up, the door bell rang and the postman had a small package for me: a gift by my beloved lilbro! He had made a book with all the photos of our trip to Japan and he gave it as a gift to me and on that mentioned morning it arrived! Just like that, as a surprise, isn't that fantastic?!

I am so happy, it is really beautiful, thank you so much lilbro! All the wonderful memories come back to my mind and it makes me extremely happy to think of all the good times we had, it was a fantastic trip and this book is a perfect way to remember it and share it with others! Looking at it makes me want to start planning the "sequel" with you lilbro. I wish I could share it here with you, my readers, but one can only really appreciate the efforts he put in it and the beauty of it when taking it in your hands and physically turn the pages.

I have shown it to several colleagues already and they all liked it very much! But their appreciation is nothing compared to mine. I am so proud of my lilbro, of our trip, of the book and I am truly thankful to you for showing me so much of that beautiful country Dani. Without you, I would never have seen all the beauty this country has to offer.

In moments that I feel a bit sad without really having a reason I can think of our trip and look at the book and all the beautiful memories come back and the warmth of love and harmony comes back and wraps around me like the warm blanket that I sometimes need. You haven't told me but I know it's a very special book, a magical gift to me.

Thank you, a thousand kisses and hugs, my beloved lilbro! That's by far never enough to thank you for it, but I hope you accept it as a first down payment on my debt ;)

My trip with Dani to Japan: a video summary by Dani.

Today, I would like to share a video with you. It is very precious to me for several reasons: my lilbro Dani made it and it is a beautiful and stunning summary of our vacation in Japan. In my eyes, he captured the true spirit of our holiday: the harmony between us, how we enjoyed the exotic destination, the beauty of the country and its people, how we had fun, how we laughed, how we enjoyed to discover all the things we came across daily! He managed to put all our excitement and joy into this beautiful short video. When I watch it I do remember all the moments, all beautiful emotions I associate with the images come back and I really do enjoy that. It feels like reliving the holiday with Dani again. I hope you all like it as much as I do. Please enjoy.



Thank you Dani, my beloved lilbro, for making this wonderful video. It's a gem and a wonderful surprise you gave me.

It makes me very happy.

Here, have a million dollars.

"You have to give away a million dollars."

Wow. That's easily answered you would think, right? Well, at least I thought so in the first instance. But then, when I started to think about the details I couldn't exactly figure it out. Of course you start thinking "I have to give to charity". After all, people look at you and your answer and most probably expect that. But then it get's difficult: what charity? But then again, what do I care about others? It's my money supposedly and I can decide what I do with it.

Suppose there are no restrictions in how I give away the money:

What I knew right away was that I would split the amount: Of course I would give some of it to my parents. Then another part would go to my friend Katja. Many years ago I made a deal with her: should I ever win the lottery I would give her part of that. I made the same promise to my lilbro, he would get a significant (bigger than Katja's) amount as well. I would also make sure a small part would go to my ex Klaus, he is a great guy but always short of money. For him a monthly transfer of a certain amount over a longer period would be nice. Then, of course I would make sure there is a big amount for my hubby. I would want him to have a financial safety net. A little is left now for charity. I don't exactly know what charity it would be but I think I would like it to be some gay project. I would have to investigate what kind of gay projects I would consider worthy receiving some money. So I wouldn't save the planet, environment, kids or animals with it. No, it should be something to help other gays.

So, here's how I would split it up:
Mom and Dad 200000
Katja 100000
Lilbro 200000
my ex 100000
my hubby 300000
charity 100000

Well, it's definitely not spectacular but I like the idea that I could give some money to my loved ones. They are dear to me. I could see the money go to a good cause and not disappear in an anonymous giant charity organization.

Suppose this split up of the money and giving it to family/friends would not be allowed:

I can see this alternative: I would set up a trust that gets the full amount. The members of the trust who decide what charity receives money from it would be (guess who) my mom and Dad, Katja, lilbro, Klaus and Jelle.

So this would be my million dollar spree. How would your's look like?

Happy Valentine's!

Today, a week ago I had one of the most beautiful moments of my life: I was at the Mamma Mia musical in London, they sang my absolute favorite song of all time "Dancing Queen" and I was there with my Jelle and Dani and Sera and then my beloved lilbro Dani and I started singing out loud this wonderful song together! I was soooo happy and it's a very precious memory now, one I will cherish for all time.



Thank you Dani, Jelle and Sera for making this such a wonderful moment, I owe you my deepest thanks. A million kisses to you.

I love you guys. Happy Valentine's day.

Unforgettable visit

My very special birthday cake, candles blown out already after I made a wish

So on Friday was my birthday and as I had said before I would go to London to celebrate it!

To summarize it shortly: it was the best birthday I've had. After we all had arrived in London and checked in at our hotel I was in for a big surprise: Dani, Jelle and Sera had organized a birthday cake for me and they entered the room with it, singing "Happy Birthday" to me! Now that I think of it it does bring tears of happiness to my eyes... it was really so beautiful, at that moment I felt the luckiest person in the world! Thinking back of it, I am happy again! I was there, with my hubby and my most beloved friends celebrating my birthday for the first time in many years. Since a long time I did not bother to celebrate this day. I accepted that my parents would congratulate me but I never felt like celebrating it with somebody. But this year was different: some things in my life have changed and therefore I also wanted to celebrate my birthday again. I opted to make it special and asked Dani and Sera if they would come with me to London to see Mamma Mia together! When they said "YES!" that was the biggest and most beautiful gift for my birthday already! I was so happy that I had the chance of celebrating this (non special 42nd) birthday with them and my hubby Jelle.

The same night we had a very nice meal in an asian restaurant (and my chopstick capabilities are terrible... how am I gonna survive a vacation in Japan...?) and after returning to our hotel we took a piece of my birthday cake for dessert ;-)

Jelle, Dani, Sera and me

The next day, Sera's good friend Marisa joined us and we strolled leisurely through London, did some shopping, met my flickr friend Bernie finally for the first time which was really great fun! He is as nice in real life as he is on flickr and I am really happy I have had the chance to finally meet and see him "live". 

Me and Bernie

Later on we also met Dani's friends Leo and Matt. And then, in the evening, we went to see the musical of Mamma Mia! I had seen the dutch version of the musical some years ago and did like that a lot. But I was very eager to see the original language version here in London and I must say it was really great!!! The performance was fantastic, the live orchestra and the cast performed so stunning well, it was pure pleasure to see them play and hear them sing! 

Sera, Marisa, me, Jelle and in the front Dani (photo taken by Leo).

Dani and I were constantly singing along and in the end when they start playing the full song of Dancing Queen for everybody to sing along there was no stopping us anymore. It gave me shivers of joy and excitement to sing out loud and together with my beloved lilbro the song which is one of my all time favorites! That was soooo much fun, I was happy, really really happy!

Jelle, Dani and Marisa

On Sunday we visited Camden Market which I enjoyed a lot. It is so diverse, I saw lots of funny t-shirts (though I didn't buy any) and we had some fabulous food in one of the food stalls there. We then made our way down to the Thames to have a look at the London Eye and that concluded our activities in London for our short but oh so worthwhile visit! We had to go back to the airport where we both caught our planes back to Amsterdam and Madrid, sadly, both were delayed (thanks a lot, Easyjet). 

Once again, this was a memorable, very special incredible weekend for me and I want to thank Jelle, Dani and Sera for making it so wonderful. It was awesome guys, thanks a lot to you. Many kisses to you and lots of hugs. I can't thank you enough for making me so happy and spoiling me so much. From now on, my birthdays will never be the same again... 

Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag, Mama!

 

Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag, Mama!

Today, my beloved mom celebrates her birthday and so I went to Cologne for the occasion to give her my birthday kisses personally. ;-) She was very happy and also my dad was very happy to see me. Mama prepared some simple but oh so tasty lunch and in the morning after my arrival I enjoyed a delicious breakfast with some typical german things I like for breakfast. 

Then, way too early I already had to leave again to go back to Amsterdam. I was only one day off which I had specially requested due to her birthday so I could only go there in the morning and come back the same day. But it felt good to see them again. They were very sweet to me, I enjoyed seeing them, talking to them and it made me really happy to see that my mom was so happy with my visit!

 

In the afternoon, Mama and Papa drove me back to the airport and before I had to go through the security control we had a last espresso and that's where I took these pictures. 

I hope there will be a chance soon for them to come over to Amsterdam or else for another visit of me to Cologne.

If you can, you should do it.

One of these days I received a mail from my friend Stewart. I was so much impressed by the video it linked to that I decided to rather make a post than to email it to only a few other friends.

It's a story of a father and a son. The story is about integration, it is about love, it is about abilities, it is about endurance, it is about strength, it is about believing, it is about so many things that you would never imagine this inspiration comes from them at first sight.

I would like to share this video here with you.



If you want to know more about Rick and Dick, you can read a little about their story here or go to their website Team Hoyt to learn all about them. 

It is true, in so many ways: if you can, you should do it.

A hug.

Home away from home.

I am on vacation.

Since the beginning of this month I'm off. Yay. I enjoy it a lot, despite not going to far away places. Usually, Jelle and I like to go to far off places and travel around the world. We also had planned something pretty weird this time - flying the A380 - but it would have cost us too much money in too little time. So we cancelled that in order to do it some other time when we have more time to enjoy it and when we can afford it. But this time, there was no money for this luxury. So we more or less stay home. But of course that can be nice too and frankly, for the time being I am enjoying it. Doing nothing, no obligations, no early shifts, sleeping long and enjoying the day. Only to return to work end of next week, woohoo!!!

Nevertheless, we have been away in this vacation. Hooray! My lilbro Dani invited us to come visit him in Madrid and spend some time with him. And man did I enjoy it! Dani did his utmost to make this visit extra special as it was Jelle's first time ever to visit Madrid. So Dani showed us around everywhere and we now know all the in's and out's of that fantastic city! Jelle immediately fell in love with Madrid! He loved it just like I already learned to love it long before him. The best though of our trip was simply to be and spend the time with the best of all friends, my Dani - there's nothing more beautiful than to enjoy such a friendship that we share!

So we headed for Spain on the second of this month. We took a plane to Frankfurt (which had a "bad" start as our colleagues did not arrange for us to have a meal during the short flight - no big deal but still, we are paying for that and it often happens to us. It's a little effort to arrange that yet some colleagues just don't care... a pity...). 

Me, on the flight to Frankfurt

From Frankfurt, we went to Bilbao. We stayed in a suburb in a Novotel and though the weather could have been nicer we enjoyed the city. It was well worth the trip, strolling through the nice center, 

Jelle in Bilbao's city center

the old town, the famous Guggenheim Museum. We even took a train (yeah, we like trains and planes and ships...) to the countryside just to see the surroundings of the city.

Jelle pointing to the train we wanted to take for a short ride

On the fourth, we went to the airport again to take a Spanair flight to Madrid. The Bilbao airport architecture is quite interesting so I enjoyed taking some photos of it before we headed for the gate. Jelle decided to have a wine before take-off while I only had a coffee and we could not believe our ears when we paid: together it was less than 3 Euros, in an airport restaurant - and the wine was even cheaper than my coffee! That's simply amazing! Our flight to Madrid was eventless, we got seats right at the check-in in Business class and the flight turned out to be pretty empty. Good for us. ;-)

Handsome lilbro Dani right after we met again

Then we arrived in Madrid and I could almost not await to see my lilbro again! I really looked so much forward to see Dani!!! We had planned our arrival into Madrid for the early afternoon, about the same time that Dani would finish work. As Dani had to attend to some business at short notice in the northern part of the city it became quite convenient to meet there before his appointment. Of course we were all happy to see each other again and immediately started chatting endlessly... ;-) Unfortunately, we were not complete as Sera was not with us as he was still on vacation in his village in southern Spain. The plan was for Sera to join us later during our visit to which I was also looking forward! 

Alex, Dani and me in Madrid's center

Later that day we met Alex, a friend of Dani, with whom we had some pre-dinner drinks and later Sera's sister Rosa joined us and we all went to a fabulous and very popular restaurant place in the center of Madrid where we had a truly excellent meal! And we all liked the receptionist of the place who was a hottie... :-) It was a true pleasure to meet Alex, as I had heard about him already but had not met him before. He perfectly speaks german too and it was fun and very enjoyable with him. I am glad to have met him. 

Alex (junior) and iPhonero Dani

Seeing Rosa again was a blast, she is such a sweetheart, very funny and it was truly awesome to meet her again as the last time I saw her was during Orgullo gay. I wish she would've brought her brother too... ;-)

We were staying at Dani's house and my lilbro insisted on giving us his bedroom for the night but after lengthy discussions we could convince him it was not necessary at all. ;-) We were really fine with the guest bed in his 2nd bedroom, it was simply perfect and I did sleep very well during our stay. In fact, I felt at home immediately. Dani made us feel so comfortable! Staying at his house did feel like staying at my own house, Dani has the gift of making you feel extremely comfortable in his presence.

Poor Dani still had one day of work ahead while we were able to have a long sleep and instead of going into Madrid we decided to stay at Dani's house, relax, enjoy ourselves and have a nice cup of coffee in the sun in the small bar downstairs at his house waiting for him to arrive home. Little things like that can be so enjoyable and great, it truly felt like a vacation in the most luxurious resort on earth ;-) In the afternoon, unfortunately for him after some overwork, Dani arrived home and we were ready for the days ahead together, yay! Later the evening we met with Dani's mother and aunt and went to the village's local yearly fair where the highlight was a concert of the fabulous "La 5a estación" - we had a great night with with fabulous music, food and friends! I enjoyed it sooo much, really!

Natalia of "La 5a Estación" during their concert in Valdemoro

The next day Dani took us (well, I had seen it already on a previous visit with Dani) to Aranjuez where we had a brief stroll and after returning we were invited by Dani's mother to a real "codido madrileño" which to me was a true culinary delight! I really loved it and it was such a great gesture of her to invite us and specially prepare this meal for us, I am so thankful for that! Juan Carlos, one of Dani's close friends, had joined us for it too and we all had a wonderful lunch together. After that, we devoted the whole afternoon and evening to Madrid itself. We went to Park Retiro and leisurely walked all the way from there through the city center, Dani showing Jelle all the beautiful sights his hometown has to offer! We had great weather and it was such a great day. 

Jelle, Dani and me posing in front of the Royal Palace in Madrid

Later in the evening we met Juan Carlos again. He took over the sightseeing part from Dani and explained the sights we visited together while the sun was setting over Madrid. What a beautiful evening, we had a great time and - you guessed it - we enjoyed a very good meal altogether and later went to Chueca to enjoy the bustling nightlife of the city! It was great for me to see Juan Carlos again, I really like him and he is such a pleasant company!

Juan Carlos, me and Dani with Madrid's evening skyline

For Jelle and me it was such a fascinating thing to sit in the center of Chueca, after midnight, outside in a street cafe and have a drink. Everything was so full and we almost did not get a table, unbelievable but such a great and fun atmosphere. Jelle and I agree that this is the ideal place for us, the life takes place much later and we truly prefer that above our "sleepy" Amsterdam ;-) We absolutely loved the atmosphere in Chueca and Madrid in general, as I said before Jelle truly loves the city now!

Jelle in Chueca

Dani did not rest and took us to a famous street market the next day where we tried to do some shopping. I am in urgent need of revamping my outfit, modernize myself a little. After all, my lilbro things I'm a bit grandpa-ish and I think he's right... ;-) So the aim was to find some nice things in the afternoon and of course Dani and Jelle found some nice stuff but of course I didn't!!! Luckily, Dani promised to take me for "real" shopping next time so I can really update my clothes. I'm looking forward to that, lilbro. ;-) Later that day we met Alex again together with his boyfriend Alex (yeah, "junior" and "senior" as they are referred to by their friends...) ;-) for a quick drink in the center. 

Me and Alex (senior and junior) :-)

In the meantime, Sera had returned from his vacation and finally joined us in the evening and we spent great quality time together, Dani and Sera and Jelle and me!

Sera and Dani, after we had breakfast

The next day Dani suggested to go see Toledo and we spent a beautiful day at this gorgeous medieval city. It was a very nice trip and a great day we spent there. 

Me and Dani with Toledo in the background

Later in the evening we were treated once again to a culinary highlight, Dani took us to one of his favorite restaurants, in the heart of Chueca! It was such a great place, very cosy with outstanding service, friendly staff, delicious food and perfect atmosphere. Rosa, Sera, Dani, Jelle and I truly enjoyed this treat and I felt very privileged that my lilbro did bring us to this place with so much atmosphere and quality! 

Me, Rosa, Dani, Sera and Jelle at Dani's favourite restaurant in Chueca.

On the way home we ended the night once again in the heart of Chueca with a drink way after midnight out in the open amongst so many other people there, oh how I love Madrid and it's nightlife!

Sadly, our days in Madrid ended and we had to leave, heading home again. Dani and Sera had to return to work but our days with my lilbro in Madrid were fabulous! We watched a movie, bought lots of music CD's and some DVD's, we found some nice clothing, we went to a concert, we made some nice trips to the surroundings, had great food, met wonderful people, we enjoyed each other's company and I truly loved being around Dani and Sera and had the time of my life, once again, thanks to my lilbro! Honestly, I can't wait to go back to see him again ;-) I also hope to welcome them a.s.a.p. here in Amsterdam again... Please lilbro, come visit us again!

Me, Dani and Sera at Dani's home on his couch on the last morning of our visit.

Many, many thanks to you, dear lilbro, you have made our stay with you such an extraordinary experience! I can't express my gratitude well enough. A load of kisses and hugs to you, Dani. 

I look forward to return to my home away from home - your house. There is no better hospitality than that of true friends, the ones that become family. Like my little brother.

A child of love.

Since a few days my parents tried to reach me. I had not called them since three weeks which honestly I did not realize. I am working fulltime, I have my own life and time flies when you're... well busy ;-) Anyway, to make a long story short... yesterday evening on my way home I called home and chatted for 45 minutes to my mom (god, I hope the cellphone costs aren't too bad to Germany from Holland...). I explained some things to her, mentioned that she had tried to call me during my spanish lesson when I could not respond, spoke about my search for new friends, told her I found the best friend I can imagine in my lilbro Dani and also about my doubts about myself and my constant need for confirmation of being loveable, being loved, being a friend...etc etc... a constant push up of my low self esteem to which she suddenly and totally unexpected by me replied and kind of joked that since I was a child of my loveable father and my loveable mother I was a loveable child of them! Which I thought was very cute of her to say and her way of trying to cheer me up. I was very happy about that! We talked a bit more and finally, to surprise me even more, out of nothing she said I should not worry, I was a child of love and not an accident. ;-) Something I cannot remember they ever told me but it made me really happy to hear. Not that I worried about that but the fact she said it and the way she did made me happy. I love my parents and now I even know I'm their child of love.

Maybe I'm not that bad...

Okay, here is my follow up to yesterday's post about myself: maybe I'm not that bad, after all... But hey, I was really overwhelmed at that moment and just couldn't handle all those emotions at the same time. So I felt very bad and useless. I know I'm not. I try to be a god son to my parents. But not calling them at the time they want does not make me a bad son, does it? ;-) I live my own life, I have my very own little problems and not sharing all of them with my parents again does not make me a bad son, or does it? ;-)
I decided not to share all things that bother me with them because it won't help me and doesn't make them happier. That doesn't mean I don't trust them or I exclude them from my life, it's just that I decided to live my own life and share only the things that they truly need to know.
I can still be a good son even if I only call after three weeks. I am interested in what happens to them. But I have my problems and have to deal with them as well, besides I am working full time. Yet, I want to live my life the way I want it - and I will do just that. But I will try in future to be a bit more considerate.  I also want to be more in touch with them as I feel I now still have the chance before it's too late and I am without them. That is something I try to avoid thinking of as it makes me deeply sad. I do love my parents, from the bottom of my heart. So, maybe I'm not that bad...

I'm not a good son.

I'm not a good son. I keep my parents excluded from most parts of my life. My mother is not well, since three weeks already. I haven't called them since then to inquire. This morning they called and naturally my dad said he was wondering why I haven't called. He suspects something is wrong. He wonders if it has to do with them, if they have done something wrong. I denied, it's nothing about them. It's about me. But they called shortly before I have to go to work. I don't have the time now to explain what's going on with me. They maybe deserve to know but on the other hand I don't want to bother them with my problems, they have enough themselves. So I didn't talk. Shortly after the call my dad called back, saying he doesn't feel comfortable, wanting to know if something is wrong with me and Jelle. I told him I can't talk about things now as I have to go to work. It didn't comfort him but he accepted it. I told him we will talk in the next days. Jelle managed to tear me even more down by agreeing with them. Of course he is right, they are right. But when I explained to him why I didn't call them, what my thoughts are he interrupted me and said I should explain to them, not to him. Wow, that's support. Thanks for that, exactly what I need. Now I go to work, feeling down, sad, guilty and facing probably 400 stranded angry people because of the strike of our pilots today. Just what I needed on top of that.
I'm not a good son, I should involve my parents more. I never really did. I can try. But I'm still searching for the answers to all of my questions, how can I explain to them what's wrong if I hardly know myself?
I do love them. I can trust them. Yet, I'm so concentrated on myself that I forget the world around me.
I am sorry.

Visiting family

Sera y yo en el pregón
Originally uploaded by danoliverm

Before I forget again: I'm away for a few days, just as I have been the last two days too ;-) I had been to Cologne to visit my parents together with Jelle and on Friday I will work in the morning and later in the afternoon will fly to Madrid to visit my lilbro Dani and his boyfriend Sera again! Yay! I am soooooo looking forward to see them again, I miss my lilbro and it's always great to see and talk to him personally rather than being in contact electronically ;-)
The trip to Cologne was very nice. I was happy to see my parents again. Unfortunately my mother has some health problems at the moment which also prevented her from joining us on a day trip from Cologne to Papenburg to visit the Meyer yard there which was a birthday present for my dad. So we only went with my dad and my mom stayed at home. It was a great (and very hot) day though and we really enjoyed it.
Today it cooled off after quite some rain and we stayed at home and slept long and chatted, nothing spectacular. But we both - Jelle and I - enjoyed that too.
So on Friday I am going to Madrid to see Dani. Jelle unfortunately has to work again but I was lucky enough to get off. As I said I look very much forward to see my best mate again, my little brother Dani and his Sera.
I wish you all a very nice weekend and see you next week when I hope to post many new pictures to my flickr stream too.