There is this Whitney Houston song playing in my head all afternoon..., the lyrics "... I get so emotional baby, every time I think of youuuhuuuu..." going through my head. It strangely feels like a soundtrack though I don't know the lyrics at all except for that part I mentioned which keeps repeating in my head... like those annoying songs from time to time that simply stuck in your head without obvious reason... Does this happen to you as well, that you feel much more emotional on one day than the other? I can't think of any specific reason why I am like this today... but I am. The slightest thing touches me and I almost feel like crying aobut little things that I hear when we talked. Today is such a day that I physically miss you a lot, to hug and feel that very special and dear friend, to feel some warmth. I feel like I soak up every little piece of love, warmth, appreciation like a dry sponge. Usually it's not "thaaaat bad"... I can keep up my mood pretty well I think. But obviously there are days for whatever reason that I'm less perfect. Like today. Sure, I have my hubby and we are doing very well. Yet, there are things I miss. There's a deep desire for warmth, ..., love and all kinds of other attention, like nice words. For example, I wish I'd one day hear words of being desired too, like you speak of others. Not necessarily from you but to experience such a sensation of being desired. I sometimes get a hint of that on flickr but it does not feel real and is far away. But I think a lot about such things, wondering how certain things I never experienced in my life could be. I can't remember ever being desired by someone, physically. With passion. Not that you can do anything about it. But you know me and what I talk about. Sometimes I think I travelled my life in one big circle and somehow feel I haven't moved forward one single step since the end of 2007 in certain ways. Of course there have been positive changes for me, luckily. But other things haven't changed and I wonder if they ever will? Can you still change certain things at my age? Can you make up for things of which you think you missed them? Did I really miss them, anyway? Is it enough for me to soak up your stories about such things, to hear your "wild" stories and think of my "possibly missed opportunities"? I am thankful for having my hubby by my side. I need him and he is important. But as great as he is he can't change my shortcomings.
...and still all I hear is that "...I get so emotional baby..."
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