My favorite 2008 Eurovision Song Contest song.

Ok, here we go. I have said in my previous post I would announce my personal favorite in a separate post. As promised, here it is: Poland's entry to the contest. Performed by Isis Gee and the song called "For Life" - I think it's simply a beautiful ballad and I cannot listen enough to it at the moment! I know, I always pick such "wrong" numbers... always the ballads with romantic melodies, but that's the way I am I guess, soft and romantic... ;-) Usually, my personal favorite is never a favorite with the masses so you better don't bet on this... hahaha 

But 'nough talkin' for now, here's Isis' song:

I had no choice
Perfectly clear from the start
I heard your voice
And I was falling
Into a space
Where daylight kisses moonlit skies
It was the place
Was written in your eyes

And oh, we made it
We finally found our way
And celebrating
Just where we...
We stand today

I'll let my heart show the way,
Oceans and mountians between us
Because your love
Is why
You made the wrong right

I will give my all
I will heed your call

For Life

I had no choice
Perfectly clear from the start
I will rejoice
Embrace your calling
And into a space
Where daylight kisses moonlit skies
You found my heart
And I knew it was
For Life

(Yeah)

I'll let my heart show the way,
Oceans and mountians between us
Because your love
Is why
You made the wrong right

I will give my all
I will heed your call

For Life
For Life

Get ready and listen.

Since several days I'm getting myself into the mood for the Eurovision Song Contest which will be held at the end of My 2008 in Belgrade, Serbia. Yeah, Eurovision - of course! Well, I'm gay, what did you expect after all?! ;-) My first contact with this year's Eurovision contest was when my dearest lilbro Dani told me what and who is going to represent Spain (one of the big Eurovision countries that do not go through the Semifinals) this year. It's sooo terrible that I refuse to give any mentioning here. Even if it's the smartest and brightest parody of the song contest, I couldn't care less. Let those people get lost and make up there own parody song contest, fine with me. But give me back "my" classic Eurovision. Not only Spain voted for a "fun" song but several other countries have chosen to send, in my ears, terrible music to the contest.

Nevertheless, there are a few songs that I think are worth of listening to for the most different reasons. Let me introduce you to them. At the end of this post I will provide the link to the page that my friend Timo kindly directed me to for more information about all songs (including those I do not mention here) with links to the videos and music files (if available). One thing I noticed while listening to all songs of this year's contest is the simple fact that you really have to listen to the songs several times. I noticed myself that I didn't like a song when I had heard it once which is now one of my favorites though! That's also probably the problem of today's Eurovision and the public voting system. Most people don't know the songs and only get to hear them once. That usually doesn't do justice to the songs. But that would be a whole other discussion which this post is not about. ;-) 

Since I use iTunes to listen to my music I use the built in function of ranking songs by giving them a maximum of five stars for most favorite. On top of my list of personal top songs of this year's Eurovision are three songs that received all five stars. I will mention my personal favorite in a seperate post (to give it more attention...) but Number 2 on my list would be the swedish entry: 

"Hero", sung by Charlotte Perelli (yes, it's the same who sung "Take me to your heaven" also for Sweden in the Eurovision some years ago under the name Charlotte Nilsson):

The third song with five stars on my list is actually not even taking part in the finals in Belgrade - because it became only number 2 in the national contest: but as I like it very I didn't want to exclude it here and still introduce you to it, it's Spain's number 2 by singer 

Coral, the song is called "Todo esta en tu mente"

Exactly six songs managed to conquer my heart and receive at least four stars. Let me start with the entry for Switzerland. This year the country's song is sung in Italian (which they switch from year to year), one of the official languages. A positive side effect to this performance is that the singer is not the ugliest performer they could find (well, ok, it's not a bear but then again I have a broad taste...). 

Paolo Meneguzzi, "Era stupendo" 

The entry for Hungary is quite a pleasant song too. You will notice that many of the songs I mention here are either of the typical, classic Eurovision-type of songs and/or very "sweet" melodic tunes. That's simply my taste, I can't help it, I'm such a romantic ;-) I do like classic music too, don't you worry... ;-) 

Csézy, "Candlelight" is the english title. The link is to the video in hungarian language.

Romania has also chosen for a nice song, a duet and just like Switzerland with a nice looking singer ;-) 

Vlad Mirita & Nico, "Pe-o margine de lume"

 

Also Serbia, the host country and last year's winner, has a very nice song with more traditional elements, but very nice.

Jelena Tomasevic, "Oro"

My home country Germany even has a nice entry that in the beginning I did not like too much but after I heard it several times I now really like it! They will send 

No Angels, "Disappear"

Finally, a more traditional style Eurvision song competing for Croatia and one of the songs that only received three of five stars in my ranking. Nevertheless I think it's worth sharing as this in my ears is a typical Eurovision song. 

Kraljevi Ulice & 75 Cents, "Romanca"

Armenia is sending a song to Belgrade too. Their song is a nice dance song that still has some traditional music elements in it and gives it a very distinctive sound (and as a non-dancer I even dare to say it's danceable...) This one got four stars, by the way.

Finally, as promised, I provide the link to the site that Timo had given to me and has all the infos about this year's Eurovision Song Contest (but mind, it's not the official page):

http://www.allkindsofeverything.ie/Belgrade08.htm

I hope you enjoyed one or the other song or even better all of them. Also, head over to the site and watch and listen yourself to all of the songs. It's fun and entertaining and can be very relaxing. Get ready and listen!

Only words?

"...only words", you said. Only words? No, it is so much more! It's your ability  to look in my heart, read my mind, listen to my mumbling, hug me from thousands of kilometers away, look into my eyes even though you don't see me, lend your hand to help me get up when I fall and yet do all these little but amazing miracles by saying just a few little words. But your secret is to know the magic ones, those that'll do the trick. 

Never seize believing in me. One day I will win. Until then, I will fight, again and again. And you will say "...only words". 

Again and again.

Happiness is a fragile state of mind. I think. I'd like it to be a very stable one but unfortunately for me it isn't. I sometimes think it's a daily struggle that I have to fight for to achieve it. And even more, to maintain a certain level. Somehow I did not realize it and more or less took it for granted. Either it comes my way or not. It's not something I cannot influence, I thought. 

But that's not the way it is. I can and I need to fight for it every day. I want to be happy, who doesn't anyway? But there's something in me that always tears me down, at least a little. And I am not really sure what it is - and why. Maybe my engrained insecurity? It often only needs a little word, or a gesture or lack thereof from outside to start that tear-down process in me. Can you imagine?

The process I am in at the moment of finding myself, building new friendships is a rather lengthy and tiring one. At times it feels like I am fighting a battle that I have already lost and I don't know why. It feels like I have a competitor who is superior to me in all aspects. And it makes me so sad to think that in the eyes of others I am not what I would have hoped for to be for them but the competitor is. The strange thing is that no one except myself starts those battles. As if I want to hurt myself to make me realize and confirm myself "see, it can't be true I am happy and lucky with what and whom I have". It's just so hard to constantly fight against this bad habit of mine. But I have to, I know that. In moments like these I long to see and speak my dearest friend who - that I know - can't solve the problem but at least can comfort me by empathy and wise words. Practically, that's not possible. Fighting the battle is something I have to do on my own. Again and again. Will it ever end?

Good mood.

I do feel good. Have I told you lately? I feel much better than weeks ago. I am getting to know new people and it's fascinating to make new friendships! I have met Timo lately who was "brave" enough to contact me on facebook. I really very much enjoy his friendship. Like me, he is interested in aviation and he has a passion for Eurovision, besides other things. We do see each other in Amsterdam as he also lives here. I enjoy it a lot and we always have lots of stuff to talk about. 

I feel I am busy recently and that feels very good. I can tell it's something I've missed for a long time. Seeing friends, talking, laughing together. Go to a movie, listen to and share music, have dinner together, all that stuff. It's great! It's even the reason I spent less time writing on my blog. Isn't that great? ;-) On the other hand, the downside is that Jelle really feels overwhelmed by it. Every "free" second to him it seems, is planned with activity. He still prefers much more privacy. But for me it feels good so I have to do it. We simply have to find a way that fits both. But I think I'm going the right direction.

Then, my little brother Dani also came back from his vacation and I spoke to him yesterday. I was very relieved he returned home safely and I was most happy to see him again (by video chat) and talk to him. I simply missed the great guy. He had a great vacation in Italy and I can't wait to see his photos and hear more stories and read about it. And best of all: he is so in love and happy with his Sera! It fills my heart with great joy to know that my beloved lilbro is so happy because he really deserves it to be! 

I also listen to music at the moment and also that makes me happy, have a look at my last.fm page. Looking at my and my flickr contacts' photos makes me happy. To be part of other people's lives that way is fascinating and I like it very much, especially if the contact to those friends develops to a more than virtual friendship. But only time will tell when and with whom it will happen. But I am happy as I know it does happen. I have found my best friend and little brother that way, I have met Timo and Jörg who are both wonderful people. And I know there will be others, sooner or later. Only knowing this makes me happy already.

I hope this explains a little why I am in a good mood. And now I have to stop talking as I have to get ready and do some little things before Timo comes along for a visit. :-D

Love and hugs to all my friends,

Guido

P.S. Please bear with me if I don't comment on photos or blogs lately... but suddenly I am so busy. ;-) But be sure I read and see everything! And I will comment, even though it might be a bit later, that's a promise.

Some technicalities.

I am sorry. I have been lazy lately in updating my blog. Or more correctly I should say in posting something. I did do several things on the blog that are not too obvious. Like I was trying to apply a new design 'cause I found a site that has nice, alternative blogger templates. But that will come later, it's not important right now. But I'm a very visual guy and such things as good design do keep me busy... ;-) I also added some movie related links and features to it lately. I took the inspiration from Dani's blog.  I actually like his feature to show a photo of the latest movie he has seen or music he has listened to. I like that. So I "followed" suit and added that as well for the movies. I still have to do it for the music, though. I want to do that for my "latest flights" section too but I haven't figured out how to do it yet. So, like one of my flickr contacts says: "I'm such a follower"... ;-)

I also want to show more photos in the future. Not necessarily on a daily basis and not like a photo blog but taking photos and watching photos is something I really like, one of my passions . I do showcase them on flickr, I know, but yesterday I came across two very well designed blogs. One was a photo blog and the other a beautifully designed blog. They both inspired me to develop the look of my blog in the long run in that direction. 

But that's all about the look, not the contents - yet that's what a blog is all about. But I prefer to only write if I have to tell something. I think it's not necessary to write something on a daily basis if you don't have anything to talk about. That would feel like "spamming" my own blog ;-) For that reason I highly recommend to start using a feed reader like Google Reader (there are several out there, I just happen to use Google). It makes following blogs and other news sites very easy as Google Reader keeps track of changes to your favorite sites like this blog :-D and others and only shows the latest update on these sites. It's so convenient, because there's no need for you anymore to maybe daily surf to these sites yourself to check whether you missed a new blog entry or some news. You will notice it on the Google site as it happens. Go and have a look. In the beginning I was a bit hesitant in using it but once I got familiar with it I really started to love it because of it's convenience!

Ok, 'nough talking about this stuff, I'm surprised anyway you're still following me on this ;-)

You all have a great day, take care.

Jelle, Jörg and me

Jelle, Jörg and me
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

Ok, so you noticed. I haven't been blogging since a few days. But I have an excuse, I think. I can identify two reasons for that, one being lazy and not being in the mood for it and the second one is lack of time. My friend Jörg from Frankfurt (well, actually he's not exactly from Frankfurt but due to privacy reasons I only mention the closest airport he was flying in from) was visiting from Wednesday evening until Saturday midday.
I really really enjoyed having him around. He works for the same company and of course we have lots of stuff to talk about but even better is that Jörg is such a great guy, so funny all the time. You can laugh a lot with him and it's always fun because he always makes a witty remark about each and everybody. So you can imagine there was not much time blogging. Beside, I really do feel good. This is an important part of my self prescribed "therapy" and so far it's working pretty damn good! To have company of friends feels very good!
It was fun sitting with Jörg in front of the computer to look for some youtube videos he wanted me to see. Jelle, Jörg and me did a day trip to Scheveningen (The Hague) and we had lots of fun. We even watched a movie together which was nice and we all enjoyed that very much! Jörg also met someone from Rotterdam while in Amsterdam. He had met the guy through internet and I encouraged him to meet each other. After having spent the day together in Amsterdam, Jörg went to see his friend while I decided to pay my friend Timo  a visit at his work in a hotel. It was so closeby in the heart of Amsterdam and since it was not busy Timo and I chatted for it seems hours... ;-) Luckily, Timo was wise enough to kick me out on time, otherwise I would still be standing there... :-p

Oh well, as you can see: I am still happy, enjoying life.

P.S.: I miss my little brother. Dani is on vacation in Italy together with Sera and two friends and he keeps me updated via SMS. But still, I miss that great guy. ;-)

Serious nudging

My friend Jörg who is visiting me at the moment showed me this lovely video of an ABBA performance. Just watch it and have a laugh about a little nudge that Agnetha receives from Frida. Oh well, I admit, I'm an ABBA fan... in case you did not know yet... :-)

A perfect weekend.

I had a good weekend. I enjoyed it a lot. Sometimes only little things can make such a difference, which I experienced the last days. All that felt very good. 

On Friday, my dear friend Franc came over and we had a nice dinner and we talked a lot. It felt very fine to see him again, for several reasons. First of all, Franc is one of the few friends I have and I know him even longer than I know Jelle. Even though Franc also lives in Amsterdam we haven't seen each other here much. Can you imagine? It's so weird but the only guarantee to see Franc was to meet him in Frankfurt once a year where we both visited an aviation enthusiasts fair... Anyway, it was so good to see him again. We were already busy arranging a meeting since beginning of the year but due to different shifts, Franc becoming sick in between, his holiday, my vacation it took us until now to meet. But better late then never! He listened to our stories and he told his, he asked good and important questions and gave advice, all of which I dearly appreciated.

On saturday, I hadn't planned anything special. Jelle and I were off and I enjoyed being able to sleep as long as possible after four consecutive days of early shifts which I hate and find very tiring and exhausting. Luckily, the first few days of this week mean late shifts again for me ;-) Anyway, to come back to saturday, I enjoyed surfing a bit, Jelle went to his sports training (even though he feals sick since days because of a kind of cold, seems like everyone of us at the counter is catching it...) but before he went he picked up the mail from the box and gave me an envelope to my surprise! I hadn't ordered anything, or at least what I had ordered had just arrived one day earlier. Hm, or did I order anything else, what could it be? No clue on the outside so I looked closer and turned it and saw the sender: my lilbro! Woaah! WHAT A SURPRISE, my lilbro is sending me something! My heart jumped as I was really happy to receive something from Dani so unexpectedly! He is such a sweet man and the best little brother I could ever wish for! (Yeah, he is paying me for that to say so... LOL - no, just kidding). Dani had decided his big brother could use a cheer up and he thought there is no better way than sending me a Greatest Hits CD of Luz Casal, his favorite singer and a favorite of mine as well! What a great choice, a fantastic idea and a phenomenal gesture! Of course I immediately put it on my computer and started listening to it but not before I had called lilbro to thank him for it and let him know it already arrived. It took the spanish postal service only two days to deliver it (posted thursday, delivered saturday), that's what I call FAST! Anyway, it was a blast, thanks so much again Dani, you're the BEST! :-) But Dani had some more great news he told me on the phone: he and Sera will visit us for a short visit end of May as I had asked them to join us for a concert of Trijntje at Carré in Amsterdam - and Sera to my surprise agreed! So I am again extremely happy about this as well! It's fantastic, this is what I missed so much: having my dear and beloved friends visiting, being around the people I love and care for, enjoying ourselves and just enjoy life! So, that was great news on top of the great surprise! But the joyful saturday (and weekend) continued. In the evening, I convinced Jelle to watch a movie together.I have a big pile of movies lying here that Dani had given me. He recommended those movies to me and since he is a great fan and therefore expert I can rely on his recommendations. Besides, we have a pretty similar taste so he knows what I might like (and besides, we are brothers...). ;-)  We  could not really decide whether to watch "Chocolat" or "Little Miss Sunshine". In the end we opted for "Chocolat" and it was a good choice. If I have time later on, I will write a little about that movie, too. Saturday evening ended very fine.

Sunday gave again the opportunity to sleep a little longer. And: I had arranged a date with Timo! Timo, who is originally from Finland, had contacted me via facebook and we had chatted and emailed a little and it clicked between us and we decided to have a coffee in Amsterdam. So at about 13.00 I headed for Cafe de Jaren to meet him. I met him outside when he just arrived with his bike! We talked a lot at the cafe, had our broodje (very tasty) and koffie verkeerd (several) and we talked and talked. We then decided to move further to a bruin cafe (of which I don't remember the name) and that was very cosy and "gezellig" too! We talked a lot. You get the picture? Yeah, exactly, I really enjoyed Timo's company, he is a very nice man with great looks (yes, he has a very sexy beard - did I mention I like that?) ;-) After the bruin cafe we moved on location further to have something to eat on Zeedijk and after that I decided it would be time to go home so Jelle would not worry. It was 22.30 that I caught the train from Central Station back home! I guess that gives a good indication that it was a perfect afternoon and evening! I really like Timo, we had lots of stuff to talk about like aviation and eurovision ;-) and tv series and I felt excellent. In the train I sent him an SMS to tell him how I liked our meeting and while still in the train he already had sent an SMS back. I already had received an SMS earlier that day from Franc. As I am not used to get them too frequently it always feels great to receive one. Even those little things like receiving an SMS make me happy. Then, also Dani sent an SMS to tell me that Zapatero had won the elections in Spain, YEAH!!! Wow, I felt like a very important person, three SMS on one day ;-) No serious, for me that was a wonderful feeling! All you guys, keep doing that ;-)

My sunday concluded with a very nice talk to my little brother who of course was curious to hear something about my meeting with Timo. What else could I ask for?

So this for me was a perfect weekend. I simply loved everything I did and what had happened to me. It felt excellent. Just the way I imagined it to be. The way I'd like it to be from now on. I will treasure those moments. I am happy. Thank you all for that. :-D

A beautiful song.

When I listened to my iTunes songs today a song started to play that I hadn't heard in a while and it intrigued me immediately. I like to use the shuffle function in iTunes so that I will be "surprised " by what's all in my music library ;-) Anyway, today it was this song that I liked very much:



Paul Young has a very beautiful voice and the song is arranged very elegantly. It is a simple, yet beautiful and straight forward love song with wonderful lyrics. Something to listen to and dream away...

Happiness.

Can this be? Another post within such short time after posting the previous one with the exact opposite topic? Yes, it can be possible. Because I feel happy, too.

I enjoy what I have. I enjoy what I receive. I feel tenderness. I feel comfort. I feel like falling backwards and knowing I will be caught. It's a precious feeling, I treasure it. 

I feel relieved, but sad.

This morning, my dad went to the hospital. Not surprisingly, it was a planned since weeks. He has yearly check-ups since he had his heart surgery six years ago (where they gave him two by-passes). One of 'em was already blocked after one year and they now thought the second one might be blocked as well. During his mentioned last check-up they thought to have found some irregularity and to be on the safe side they sent him for closer inspection to the specialized heart clinic at the Cologne University Hospital. He was nervous about it since weeks, understandably. He was afraid of yet another operation. We were too. But luckily, today after making that special check-up by inserting a katheter into his leg with which they can look into his heart and bypass(es) they now concluded it's not that bad at all! I am so happy! His problem can be treated with some medicine. It's such a relief that he won't undergo yet another operation. He told me that my mom was very nervous too. He watched her walking up and down the hallway waiting on him. My mom is 70 years now and my parents are married since 47 years. It's amazing. My mother is always very caring about my dad and everyone else. 

When I called this evening to hear how everything went my father sounded tired. At first, I thought he is worried but I simply think he was tired. I repeatedly asked and he assured me that he is relieved too, now that he can treat this with some medicine. 

He also told me that when the doctor had told him the good news that the doctor was surprised about his reaction. "I was expecting you to jump out of your bed and hug me or something like that but instead you look as if I announced you are going dead tomorrow!". My father replied that he was so nervous about this check that he obviously needs some time to process the good news. 

Later, when he was ready to get dressed again and go home he suddenly turns to the nurse and tells her he's feeling nauseous and cold sweat. Very soon two doctors appear, they make tests and come to the conclusion it's obviously his way to relief the stress. He finally can go home. Luckily. Why I am telling this? Because I think this is something I inherited from my dad. When I went to get new glasses (the ones I now have) the optician made his usual tests. Though he found a high eye pressure on one eye. The way he sad it made me feel very uncomfortable. I did not know what to do with this information. But he kept on doing his test and took me to a small, dark room where he had that machine to measure what glasses you will need. But suddenly, I jumped out and into the (luckily) empty shop, where an astonished Jelle watched me puzzled: I could not do anything other than lye down on the ground in the middle of the shop. Much to the surprise of all employees of course. I felt cold sweat and tickle in my fingers. I calmed down for a while but the same feeling came back so down I went again. Of course the optician was anxious to call an ambulance but I assured him I would feel better if I would just go have something to eat. So we left and had a bread roll as I hadn't had breakfast that morning. I calmed down again. So we returned to the optician. And you guessed it, again it came back and I went down again... Now, they really called the ambulance and while lying on the ground, in the middle of the shop I actually felt comfortable... but very embarrassed that they were calling an ambulance. They arrived very quickly, were very friendly and did some tests and the only thing they could find: slightly high blood pressure. And my conclusion: relief of my stress. It obviously freaked me out when he mentioned the eye pressure as I did not know what that meant. I acted exactly the same as my father has done today and several times before. They never can find anything. So I guess that's something I inherited. 

Then I asked for my mother to speak to her and hear how she felt. She was, let's say, polite. But not cheerful or happy to hear me. I could feel something is bothering her. She asked if I had some news but I said I don't. I don't want to bother them at the moment with my problems. Especially when I might be able to solve them. They already worry about so many things in their life, I as the only child don't want to make them worry about me too. I then asked her if everything was alright with them and she said yes. Still, I know there's something. I cannot stand her reaction. She does this so often, being restrained, almost cold. I know she dearly loves me though she seldom has ever told me. It's difficult for her as well as for my father to say this to me. I know it by all they do for me. But still, hearing it once means so much more than everything else. But that's unfortunately the way they are. I do love them. I tell them. I cannot imagine how my little life will be without them. 

Most probably I am not the best child parents can dream of. I am gay, something most parents would rather not want for their children. I haven't studied at a university, I don't even have a proper industrial training or professional education. Nothing they can be proud of and show off with. Even though I was lucky enough to ultimately find a job with a respectable employer. I am happy with the way I am and what became of me, I already said that in another post. But I am pretty sure they had hoped for something else for their only son. I have my "bad sides" as well, I don't call regularly, neither do I visit them too often, I forget their name day (a catholic thing, my name day for instance is on 31 March) regularly and I even sometimes don't know what gift to buy for them and then forget. But still, they are in my heart, I think of them, I love them. But I sometimes feel they measure my love by my actions and attendance. It's making me sad that my mom does so strange sometimes. I am obviously doing something that she doesn't like or maybe the other way around, I do not do anything that she would expect me to do. 

I am now a 41 year old man and I do listen to my mom and my dad what they have to say to me. But I only do what I think I need to do and not what they want me to. That might be a problem for my mother to accept sometimes but I am not accepting her "orders" anymore. 

Talking with Jelle about this he also says it's something he can't understand of her. With her reaction towards me she achieves the exact opposite of what she'd probably like to have, to have more contact. But if I feel she is so restrained I don't feel much desire to call or visit. It's kind of a vicious circle I gues... Oh well, I should make more efforts, I know. I will try to. But sometimes I act like the little child I once was, stubborn and waiting for them to make the first move...

Spiderbear.

On another blog (and unfortunately I forgot which one) I came across a link to these photos. I like 'em and I especially like the fact that there is such a thing as a Spiderbear. Yay! ;-)

Fears.

Over at my friend's blog Dani today wrote something very interesting in his latest post that made me think. It's about fear. After reading it and reading the first comments (some user commented for example on his fear of water) I felt I had to comment on it:

God, this is quite a heavy topic when I think about myself. What are my fears? Does it help to recognize them? Where do I start? 
I am afraid of not being accepted. I fear not being loved by the ones I love. I am afraid to fail. I don't like spiders. I am afraid of pain (especially the dentist). 
Oh my, quite a list... so I am aware of it. But I haven't found a way to deal with most of them, yet. Luckily, I am learning to accept the way I am, including my fears, slowly but surely. Thanks to the people I trust and love.

When you start to think of all the fear(s) you might have, this can get you to quite a list. At first I thought: "Oh, I don't have any fears". But then, if you really start to think you will probably discover something. At least I did. I was amazed. 

But I am glad Dani's post made me think. It's important (at least for me) to be aware of one's fears. Only then you can fight them. As I say above, I am slowly but surely learning to accept myself with my fears. It's a process that will require time and patience from all sides. The greatest experience for me is to see that people believe in me, they accept me for what I am, they like me the way I am. It's the greatest gift they could give. 

The last days I was dealing with those fears. Without actually being aware of them. I knew I was accepting that something was happening with myself that was not good, did not feel good and that I should have fought in the first instance. But I could not call it a fear. Now I know because I am aware of it, because I used my brain again for a change and thought. I was vaguely thinking of the same thing, except that I did not actually see it as a fear.

The next step will be to overcome those fears, especially those that are rather surreal like the fear of not being loved or accepted. I know I am but I must learn not to constantly look for signs to convince myself from the contrary. In the end it should not be necessary for me to constantly ask for confirmations from my loved ones around me. To know they are there and care will then be enough. But that's still some time away but I am very positive of getting there in the end. 

It's also good to talk. That is what I constantly do at the moment. With different people. It helps. I feel better. I hope, no I know it's part of the learning process and thus means I am again taking some steps forward. It's great, I am on my way. Thank you all. :-)

Jörg is coming to town!

Jelle & Jörg
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

Yay, my friend Jörg from Frankfurt will visit us soon here in Amsterdam. I haven't seen him for quite a while and finally we had a chance to chat for a while yesterday and it turned out we are off the same days by chance in the beginning of March so we decided to meet in Amsterdam! I am most happy to see him again! It's so great, we'll talk, have lots of coffees, go into the city, have nice dinners (hopefully) and simply do some "friends stuff"! I am so looking forward to it. It's what I've missed, it's what I need. Luckily, Jörg is an airliner as well and can hop on any available flight and just fly in. That makes it pretty easy to hook up with him spontaneously.

Vegan streaker at Paul de Leeuw's popular show!

Ok, let me explain for those readers not familiar with Holland in general and dutch television in particular: Paul de Leeuw is one of the most popular tv hosts on dutch television at the moment and he is openly gay. He has a weekly, extremely popular live show on tv and this time something typical for Holland and especially him happened: a "vegan streaker" (someone running naked, in this case to fight for a vegan society...) appeared unexpected on the show! Paul, obviously
surprised, did what is typical for him... he took advantage of the situation! While he first continued to talk to a little girl on the phone to surprise her with something the "streaker" had to wait in the background which he did, obviously happy to receive "free" airtime. After finishing his "topic" with the girl on the phone that even included bringing up a dutch singer to the stage (while the streaker was still waiting) he then attended to the streaker. So he took him and let him sit on his lap... of course, where else... and pretended to start a nice, innocent chat... and then... but for that, you have to watch the video!



I love Paul de Leeuw! He is so hilarious, it was the right thing to do with the guy and the audience obviously loved it!!! Great tv, really! I think it's also typical for Holland. I wonder if any reader here can imagine this to happen on his/her national television? ;-)

P.S.: Don't worry, I won't be posting "only" youtube videos here. I noticed the recent "flood" I posted myself. It's a coincidence. There'll be "normal" posts again. I promise ;-)

Dutch Idols 2008 winner: Nikki!

Tonight, the winner of the dutch Idols 2008 was chosen: Nikki!

To be honest, I did not follow most of the shows, saw only very few of them especially in the beginning. I thought the quality of this season of Idols to be very low. But I must say that I like the winner of this year. I think she truly deserves to win the contest, she is beautiful, she can sing and dance and she is "the girl next door" that you want to win such a competition! ;-)

Let's see how the newly written song that she presented during the final show tonight will help her start a career as a professional singer and become a hit in Holland. It's called "Hello world" - here I am ;-) Now that I listened a few times to the song I start to like it. 

Indy is back, yeah!

Finally, a new Indiana Jones movie is about to premier very soon! Yeah! It's a Steven Spielberg Film, it starrs Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones and it has a classic title for an Indy-movie: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. What else can you ask for? Check out the trailer here. Oh I am looking forward to this one, just like to the release of the Mamma Mia movie starring Meryll Streep... ;-)

Stormy day.

Oh well, I guess it's all in the game: today is storm day in Europe. And naturally, your's truly has to work today - Jackpot, yeah! I already heard from the colleagues from the morning shift that several flights have been cancelled, many that should have left already haven't even arrived yet in Amsterdam and above it all we only have skeleton staff on duty! What does our superior say to us if we complain about it: "to every day comes an end" or "if something goes wrong then even six people on duty wouldn't help" or how about this one "in the evening, you'll have drink again"... Excellent motivational management skills, don't you agree? :-D

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Update: it was stormy and my poor colleagues from the morning shift really had a hard day. But during my shift the problems were bearable. Lots of delays, yeah, but nothing that we could not handle and no "storm" at the counter :-P

It's okay, if you're gay.

Look at this video of Ellen's show from today I believe. Before she starts her show she comments on the murder of a child by another child. It's so sad. I cannot find any better words than Ellen herself, I think it's wonderful that she uses her position to make a difference. Look and listen to what she has to say: it's okay, if you're gay.