Busy!

used
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

Man, am I busy these days... but I love it! Yesterday was Jelle's 41st birthday and we went to a concert of Gilbert Osullivan at Carre, the famous Royal Theatre in Amsterdam. It was a great concert I must say. I actually did not know many of his songs but I liked most of them. Jelle knows and likes quite a few of them and he had treated himself and me to the concert. Gilbert performed very good, he was funny and what I especially liked about it was the fact that it was a very basic show, no technical stuff and perfection - but music played live by a band, even with real string players. A small, but good band and the total impression of their quality was very good. As I said, I liked that he wasn't perfect, for example he started a song then stopped because he had pushed the wrong button on his synthesizer and started again. I prefer this than those "perfect" but somehow "clinical" shows by mega stars.
My busy week continues today as my lilbro is coming to visit me and Jelle together with his hubby Sera! I am so looking forward to see Dani and Sera again (as if it was that long ago...) but I simply miss that great man and his boy and am glad he'll come today. I wish there would be someone who invented a StarTrek-like Beamer for us... so I can simply beam me down to Madrid for a coffee with Dani and beam him up to Amsterdam for a cup of peppermint tea ;-) Tomorrow all four of us will go to Carre to see a concert of Trijntje Oosterhuis. I am very curious to see how Dani and Sera will like this great dutch singer perform live and how they will like Carre. Unfortunately, my boys already leave again on sunday... But at least we have all weekend long to spend together and have fun and I hope to be able to spoil my little brother at least a little bit... ;-)

I hope to be able to tell a few more things next week when I have more time. Today I will sooo busy at home to add the "final touches" of tidying and cleaning (not that I am in a Bree mood, let alone have the abilities of Bree nor those of my lilbro but at least I try...haha) and we also need to do some shopping so we have nice fresh things in the fridge 'cause of course as I said I like to spoil my lilbro and his man! Especially Sera likes to taste different things and of course I want to be prepared for that, too. :-)

Now my biggest challenge for today will be to not fall asleep tonight before I can pick them up from the airport... hahaha

Learn Dutch Fast

My friend Joerg published a very nice video on his blog which I felt I must share with you too! It's so funny because of the subtle way the nice and decent looking lady is teaching you the most nasty words... So, have fun and thanks to Joerg for finding such a "gem" ;-)

The premiere flight of the new Russian jet - SSJ100

One of my passions as you know is aviation. And therefore I have to show you this nice video of the first flight of Russia's new regional jet, the Sukhoi SSJ100. I think it's a beautiful aircraft. I wonder if it will be a success also in the western world. After all, the russians are competing with Canada and Brazil for this market segment.

Eurovision is near...

Too bad but Hungary didn't make it in last night's second semi-final to the Eurovision song contest. Laugh at me but I like these kind of ballads and unfortunately they didn't make it. Instead, stupid songs like the finnish entry or that "pirate" song go to the final, I can't believe it...Also the beautiful swiss entry is not a finalist (though I must admit his singing and performance was terrible, but the song is great!)... sigh... At least some of my favorites made it to the final, amongst them Poland and Sweden, Norway, Ukraine is nice, Croatia. I now look forward to Saturday!
I'm not an expert and cannot make any predictions. My friend Timo predicted 15 of the 20 final entries for saturday, that's a pretty good score, isn't it? ;-)
How about you, who's your winner and what's your favorite song? That would be interesting to compare.
My favorite song is still Poland's "For Life" and Sweden's "Hero" (yeah, I know, I can't really decide - it's depending on my mood who's my favorite...) and my prediction for the winner is a simple gamble... hm... let's say... either Ukraine or Russia.

A visit of our friends.

D&D and J&G
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

Last Friday, our friends David and Daniel from Palm Springs came to visit us for a few days. They had worked hard the last weeks being involved in the GLAAD awards and spontaneously decided to be ready for a quick visit to Amsterdam to see us. We already planned that for quite some time but it never worked out. Even now, unfortunately, Jelle and I were only off on their day of arrival and had to work the rest of the days but we had told them and they knew they'd be on their own. ;-)
I really enjoyed their visit. They were fantastic guests and it felt very pleasant to have them around. We talked and laughed a lot and seeing them again after a little more than six months simply felt as if we had just left them in L.A. where we had last seen each other on board the cruise ship Princess Diamond.
It rained a lot on Friday so their first impression of Amsterdam probably wasn't a really good one...haha... but we tried to make the best of it.
We walked around the city a bit together and when they were alone they visited some museums and the Anne Frank house, two other friends of them living in Amsterdam and we also managed to make a short trip to The Hague together on their last day on Monday. It was an enjoyable day with good weather and we later went on to Scheveningen where David was excited to see the North Sea for the first time. ;-) It was great to walk on the beach and in the evening we had a good indonesian dinner at Scheveningen. It took some effort to find the restaurant that my colleague and friend Sumita had recommended but in the end we succeeded... ;-) That concluded a great time we spent together and on tuesday we brought them to the airport and they flew back to L.A.
I truly enjoyed the guys being here. I am thankful for having such great friends!

Truly blessed.

I am truly blessed. Because I have a friend who is the best mate in the world. He is really someone truly special. He is not near me. He lives far away. But yet, he is always there for me when I need him. He never let me down. He always encourages me. He is patient with me when I am down again and lifts me up when I stumble upon the same old stuff... He is smart and wise. He senses when he needs to be there. He knows the right words to say at the right time. He is reliable, he is loveable, he is funny and he is always busy.

Our friendship constantly develops. It does so sometimes faster than I can adapt... Our lives constantly change and these changes have influence on our friendship. But if I really think about it, all changes are positive. Our friendship becomes closer by the day. I start to understand him better and better. I treasure every bit of it.
But then there's me. I am stupid. Because I constantly want confirmations of that friendship, because I am jealous of "the other" guy (and I'm not speaking of his boyfriend!) whom I see as a "competitor", now can you imagine how stupid THAT is? I should know better first of all and second I should know him by now. It's not about me or us but about real true friendship, that's not measured in the amounts of chats or length of talks but always in the love, care and the respect friends have for each other.

You, my friend, deserve all the happiness in the world. I was really shocked when you told me about this other friend of yours who was so cruel to you, accusing you of really nasty things, who hurt you. I don't understand him, even though he might going through hard times. See, even though he hurt you, you still defend him, one of your beautiful characteristics. But it's you who deserves understanding, it's you who deserves to be happy. And luckily you are happy, you are in love. What better can there be in this world than being happy in love?! Because of that as I have said here before, you change and shift your attention and time to him, your boyfriend. Being a true friend I understand that, I have done the same. We - your friends - want to see you happy and therefore have to take a step back into the second line. But that does not mean you don't care for us anymore. We know that. But it's so easy to forget and we are selfish and think of us as playing the lead role. But life has changed that, we now have the role of supporting actor. But we will excel in it, just watch us!

I loved our long chats and talks, I could tell you things about me and you would listen and give advice. And the other way around. Nothing has changed about that, we could still do that. We would even understand and know each other more and better. It's just that we don't do it anymore. And I understand why, as I said above. It's not bad at all, it's just that I miss it. I don't have anybody else for that. Also that is alright. It's simply the way it is. But because it was something so beautiful I simply miss it, but again, I do understand the reason. The positive thing about it is that I have the beautiful memory of it. As you said, our friendship evolved to another stage. You told me and did that with the most wonderful words as only you could say them. Thanks so much for that. It means a lot to me. I knew, I do understand, I will remember. Note to myself: read here next time...

I am truly blessed. Because I have a friend who is just like my little brother. He truly IS my lilbro. Except for my beloved boyfriend, he is the best man in the world. Never ever before have I experienced such an intense feeling of friendship to someone. I will never let him down, I will always be there for him. He can call me anytime, day or night and I will come to him to be there if he needs a friend, where ever he may be. I will always be in the background, when he wants me there. I will always respect him, I will always treat him with dignity. I will never hurt him. I will give my last shirt for him. All of that, because I love him as a friend, as a brother just as he loves me. All of that, because he is my best friend. All of that, because he's my lilbro. All of that, because he's the way he is, because he is Dani.

Yay, it's published!

Yay, it's published!
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

Today I received two copies of National Geographic Traveller's latest U.S. issue. Here you can see the "unpacking" ceremonie... ;-)
The prestigious magazine has published one of my photos, isn't that fantastic?!!! Well, yeah, it's only small as you can see on page 33 in the May/June issue 2008 but still... I'm really proud!
They were really nice at National Geographic, friendly and did everything they promised they would do.
I am sooooo excited, can you tell?... :-)
My original photo is in the upper left corner and the small shots below show me "unpacking" the magazine.

Thought collection.

There is this man, he is lost deep in a desert. Only few drops of water are left in his bottle and it looks hopeless to find the right way, to find rescue. Then, suddenly on the horizon, he sees something that looks like an oasis, maybe he will be saved after all? He has new hope and that gives him new strength and power to reach what turns out to be a dried out oasis... false hopes... nevertheless, he manages to fill his bottle with a few more drops of the precious liquid right there. But he will have to move on, to find rescue. He walks to where his feelings tell him is the end of this desert. Along his way he passes some little springs that help him fill the bottle again and again. Night after night, he sees light on the horizon but it's always just the dawn of a new day and never what he hopes to find, rescue. He is still on his way through the desert, he hasn't found rescue.

***

I am thankful. Am I really? I should be, that's for sure. I cannot complain, I have a good life. That's what they say. Then again, what defines a good life, isn't that something strictly personal? I can mention some facts that technically might determine I am leading a good life, seen my abilities. And yeah, technically I agree. On the other hand, things go through my mind and make me think. Very slowly, I manage to build new friendships. Something to be proud of for someone like me. It takes a lot of time and energy. But I believe it's worth it. Friends from America have just visited and it was great, they were wonderful to have as guests. End of the month another friend will come to visit. I am going to visit a few concerts. I get few but lovely sms from a few friends and even lesser calls. But hey, that's still a big change compared to what it used to be before. Nil. So I am thankful.

***

Someone chats to me who really misses me. I chat back, reluctantly but I don't want to offend. I'm not really in the mood. At the same time, I chat to someone else I really miss. He answers reluctantly, probably he doesn't want to offend. He's probably not in the mood. What I do to someone, does someone else to me. That's fair, isn't it?

***

I miss him. I miss the long talks we had. About many different and interesting things. He showed and taught me new things, He widened my horizon. I miss that, too. At the same time, I have long talks. About some interesting things. But they are not the same, because they are not with him but someone else. At the same time, he has long talks. About interesting things and they too are not the same, because they are not with me but "the other". That's how life is, I know and he told me. But still, I can be a little sad about it?

It's not about me.

Things change. People change too. Relationships change. Lives change. They make people change. Sometimes, at least a little.
I know from my own experience that in the beginning of my relationship with Jelle (which is some 11 years ago) I was only focused on him. I forgot everything and everybody around me. My best friends had to suffer. I only had eyes and time for my Jelle. The best of all friends understand and will always be by your side. The ones you loose in this process aren't your real friends, I believe. Even though I was aware of this and wanted to prevent it, I still believe that's difficult to achieve and most will fail, so did I. Your emotions towards your love are so overwhelming you simply forget the world around you, luckily. That's nothing you do on purpose, it just happens and it's perfectly alright. After all, it's about love, the most beautiful thing that can ever happen to two human beings. But then again, being a true friend, I would always want it to blossom as the most beautiful flower the world has ever seen and therefore I would always rinse that flower by being the accepting and understanding friend who will always be there, even if only in the background. That's the least I can do as a friend.
Even though I know and understand all of that, it still is not easy for me I believe. I think I gained quite some confidence in myself in the last months, especially thanks to the trust and friendship of my most beloved friend but I still believe it's a very fragile state. I still tend to have doubts about myself very easily and look for my shortcomings. But I have to learn to accept that very often it's not about me but about them, generally speaking. There will always be the friends who will have to focus on themselves for whatever reasons, who will pay less attention to myself as I would hope for, who will shift their priorities to others or other things, who fall in love. Then it's up to me to understand, after all I'm their friend. Having said all that, thinking about it all, I come to the conclusion that it's easy after all - because they are my friends. And I know it's not about me.

A trip to Berlin.

It is so strange... I look on the calendar and realize it is already a week ago that I have returned from Madrid. Time sometimes seems to go so fast yet at other times you feel it only creeps... 

They have been very special days, the days I've been away, in many ways. I now feel I can tell you about our trip, tell the beautiful things that happened and we enjoyed. I already mentioned the sad part in a separate post.

Beginning of the year it occurred that Dani and Sera invited me to accompany them to Berlin end of April. For this occasion I went to Madrid on a tuesday to see my lilbro again and eventually meet his beloved Sera for the first time. Seeing my little brother again made me very happy! I had missed him a lot and it felt very good to actually see and hear him again and give him a real hug! ;-) 

In the evening Dani took me with him to his Japanese course and I really enjoyed that! His classmates were so friendly, welcoming and outgoing and it was a true pleasure to meet his teacher Asako too! She was very nice indeed and also interested in me. We actually went to a tapas bar because the course said goodbye to a classmate who was leaving the course. It was really very pleasant and it was a joy to see Dani speak Japanese to the parents of Asako who were visiting and who she brought to the course for that occasion. Poor Dani had to speak three languages but you all should have seen him, he acted like he never does anything else, he is a genious and managed so well. It was great to see him actually enjoying it... ;-) Afterwards I finally met Sera as we were staying at Sera's place and he was so gracious to invite me to his place and let me enjoy his hospitality and therefore I was very happy to finally meet my lilbro's man of dreams! I already "knew" Sera through pictures and many stories Dani told me about him but I hadn't met him so far. It was a true pleasure finally meeting him! I already liked him before knowing him personally. But it was really good to get to know him personally, also in the coming days in Berlin. Sera is at least as great a guy as Dani tells you and once you meet him he's a true sweetheart and fantastic fella! I'm happy to know him personally now and hope to be able to build a friendship to him too. 

The next day I had the whole day for myself and strolled through Madrid all day long. I really enjoyed it and basically explored the city a little bit on paths that I already had walked together with Dani in December, more or less. One funny thing happened: when I went to Chueca and just left the metro station I walked towards someone and immediately thought "I know him!" and you could see from the guy's reaction he thought the same. We both stopped, he took off his sunglasses and I said "I know you from flickr" and indeed we knew each other from flickr: it was Encarneviva and we were both amazed to bump into each other in Madrid as we are both not from there, isn't the world small, after all? Encarneviva is also the boyfriend of a friend of Dani, so the world get's even smaller... haha...

That evening Dani took me with him to his nephew as he had an important competition at school and once again I met friends and family of Dani and was so overwhelmed by the friendliness and heartfelt hospitality they treated me too! We had a drink together and it was really a nice evening, once again. Later that evening we also went to Dani's best friends who had invited him and kindly enough me too for a dinner as they celebrated the return of Dani's long time friend Dany and wife Gemma from their honeymoon. Again, they all were so nice to me and I feel deeply privileged to have met so many of Dani's family and friends that are so warm and kind to me and I feel honoured to have been their guests. Thanks to you all.

Sera and his friend Alvaro would leave one day earlier for Berlin and Dani and I were flying together on a standby basis (one of the "perks" of working for an airline) as flights around these days were packed and confirmed tickets way too expensive... 

Unfortunately, Alvaro became sick and even had to go to hospital on very short notice and had to cancel the trip. Too bad for him. 

But Sera went to Berlin one day earlier just as planned and Dani and I followed one day later. Our flights worked out pretty well and we arrived much earlier in Berlin than I had expected. We were pretty lucky to get seats on our flights as they were pretty full and it seems that on almost all flights we got the last available seats. Due to Alvaro not being able to come to Berlin there was a spare bed available in my room and by chance Jelle was off some days too so he was able to come to Berlin, too for at least a couple of days. We met Jelle already in Frankfurt where he had flown to and joined us for the trip to Berlin, awaiting us at the gate of our flight from Madrid. That was really great as the two couples now met earlier than Dani and I had expected. Personally, I really enjoyed it. For me the days in Berlin have been wonderful. Of course you cannot see all in such a big city but I hope Dani and Sera have had a decent impression of the city and enjoyed the stay there too. The hotel Sera and Alvaro had chosen was great, they had a nice room, the location was perfect (right in the city center of West Berlin and walking distance to Zoo station) and they had a delicious and rich breakfast, I loved it (despite the minor disadvantage of having oversold the hotel and having rebooked one room to a sister hotel around the corner...). We have been walking through the city all day long and I think my poor lilbro got very tired of that at times... ;-) I hope we did not stress him too much... I felt Dani and Sera and Jelle and I matched perfectly. I truly love my lilbro and his hubby and I felt extremely comfortable in their presence! It was so beautiful to see them being in love and constantly affirming that to each other by exchanging "lots of sugar"... meaning many many kisses... ;-) It was simply wonderful, a joy to see a person you care for very much being so happy and in love. We got a long perfectly in my opinion and I think they both are the perfect travel partners. I truly enjoyed their company, Dani and Sera are so easygoing, funny, interested in many things, open, intelligent and considerate and simply fun to be around with! I hope to have the chance to make many more trips like these with them. But of course, that's only my personal view and maybe to them I am the most boring and least interesting travel companion they ever travelled with... 

Sadly, at the end of our trip Dani received bad news about his uncle. Luckily enough Dani and I were able to get back to Madrid on sunday morning as fast as possible and I was happy to know that Sera was already awaiting us on our arrival into Madrid and we then could take a taxi home altogether. I was thankful for being able to offer Dani at least a little support in these hard times he was going through, to be his bigbro. I think it's important to be there for someone. Just to offer a shoulder, maybe a few comforting words, maybe even only an ear, share emotions, hold a hand... little things that can mean the world to someone in need.

Besides having a very sad ending the trip itself was wonderful and I hope I could share my enthusiasm about it a bit with you all. 

P.S.: the included photo is the favorite of me and Dani together. Sera took it of us in Berlin and I dearly love it. It's very special to me.

How do you measure love?

Oh well, I guess I am a bit of a romantic these days (no, actually always...). But I am in the mood for great music and lyrics and yet another song that really goes into my ear lately is that of the musical "Rent". It's one of many excellent pieces of music that Dani has recommended to me on my recent visit to him. Listen especially to the lyrics, I think they are really beautiful. At least I love them and the music is beautiful too.

I like.

I really like the music and it's cheering me up as I am still a bit sad. Dani recommended this song to me, it's the number three in the spanish national finals for the eurovision song contest, much better than the "winner". But decide for yourself, I hope you like it too.

I am so sad.

Pacific sunset
Originally uploaded by CruisAir

I am so sad now because my beloved little brother, my dearest of all friends, my Dani is sad. Regrettably he lost his uncle today unexpectedly. I just received his message and it made me so sad I had to cry a little. The loss of a life is always saddening, even if you as in my case haven't known the person. But it touches me deeply as I feel very connected to Dani and feel the pain he is going through right now.
My deepest heart felt condolences and wishes of sympathy go to Dani and his uncle's family in these times of sorrow. I feel so sorry and wish you all the strength to go through this very deep valley of your lives, Dani.
My thoughts are with you Dani, I extend the warmest and biggest hug and the most tender kisses a big brother can give to his beloved little brother to comfort you.