Fears.

Over at my friend's blog Dani today wrote something very interesting in his latest post that made me think. It's about fear. After reading it and reading the first comments (some user commented for example on his fear of water) I felt I had to comment on it:

God, this is quite a heavy topic when I think about myself. What are my fears? Does it help to recognize them? Where do I start? 
I am afraid of not being accepted. I fear not being loved by the ones I love. I am afraid to fail. I don't like spiders. I am afraid of pain (especially the dentist). 
Oh my, quite a list... so I am aware of it. But I haven't found a way to deal with most of them, yet. Luckily, I am learning to accept the way I am, including my fears, slowly but surely. Thanks to the people I trust and love.

When you start to think of all the fear(s) you might have, this can get you to quite a list. At first I thought: "Oh, I don't have any fears". But then, if you really start to think you will probably discover something. At least I did. I was amazed. 

But I am glad Dani's post made me think. It's important (at least for me) to be aware of one's fears. Only then you can fight them. As I say above, I am slowly but surely learning to accept myself with my fears. It's a process that will require time and patience from all sides. The greatest experience for me is to see that people believe in me, they accept me for what I am, they like me the way I am. It's the greatest gift they could give. 

The last days I was dealing with those fears. Without actually being aware of them. I knew I was accepting that something was happening with myself that was not good, did not feel good and that I should have fought in the first instance. But I could not call it a fear. Now I know because I am aware of it, because I used my brain again for a change and thought. I was vaguely thinking of the same thing, except that I did not actually see it as a fear.

The next step will be to overcome those fears, especially those that are rather surreal like the fear of not being loved or accepted. I know I am but I must learn not to constantly look for signs to convince myself from the contrary. In the end it should not be necessary for me to constantly ask for confirmations from my loved ones around me. To know they are there and care will then be enough. But that's still some time away but I am very positive of getting there in the end. 

It's also good to talk. That is what I constantly do at the moment. With different people. It helps. I feel better. I hope, no I know it's part of the learning process and thus means I am again taking some steps forward. It's great, I am on my way. Thank you all. :-)