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It's not about me.
Things change. People change too. Relationships change. Lives change. They make people change. Sometimes, at least a little.
I know from my own experience that in the beginning of my relationship with Jelle (which is some 11 years ago) I was only focused on him. I forgot everything and everybody around me. My best friends had to suffer. I only had eyes and time for my Jelle. The best of all friends understand and will always be by your side. The ones you loose in this process aren't your real friends, I believe. Even though I was aware of this and wanted to prevent it, I still believe that's difficult to achieve and most will fail, so did I. Your emotions towards your love are so overwhelming you simply forget the world around you, luckily. That's nothing you do on purpose, it just happens and it's perfectly alright. After all, it's about love, the most beautiful thing that can ever happen to two human beings. But then again, being a true friend, I would always want it to blossom as the most beautiful flower the world has ever seen and therefore I would always rinse that flower by being the accepting and understanding friend who will always be there, even if only in the background. That's the least I can do as a friend.
Even though I know and understand all of that, it still is not easy for me I believe. I think I gained quite some confidence in myself in the last months, especially thanks to the trust and friendship of my most beloved friend but I still believe it's a very fragile state. I still tend to have doubts about myself very easily and look for my shortcomings. But I have to learn to accept that very often it's not about me but about them, generally speaking. There will always be the friends who will have to focus on themselves for whatever reasons, who will pay less attention to myself as I would hope for, who will shift their priorities to others or other things, who fall in love. Then it's up to me to understand, after all I'm their friend. Having said all that, thinking about it all, I come to the conclusion that it's easy after all - because they are my friends. And I know it's not about me.
2 comments:
I have to disagree a little bit, but on the same way, I have to agree completely. It's never about you, me or them. It's about the amount of pressure of our lives, our needs and duties, the people we need to pay attention to (other friends, family), and I always come to the same conclusion: you can never be as selfish as to claim the full attention of someone. That is not friendship, it's dependance. A friends loves his friend for what he is, not for the time he spends with.
And indeed, people change, people have new goals, loves, targets and supports. That is where real friendship finds its biggest challenge. There you find if you have a real friend.
I think I never told you this, but it ain't about you aither. It's always about me. I hope I have never taken you for granted, not when I have so much to think about apart from you. It's, then, about me. A selfish me.
You're my friend. No matter what you say, do, or feel. But I can't always promise you to be there. Still, I'll be your friend. With all my heart. The more we speak, talk, chat or spend time together I know it for sure. I hate when you feel fragile (though I also know you can't avoid it) because I see such greatness inside you. I do.
I'd say I love you, but the reality is: Is it possible NOT to love you, someone like you?.
You were right. It's not about me. It's about you and the wonderful things you do.
Actually that describes it the best! It's about the pressure, you are right Dani. I was looking for a way to describe that but you hit the nail on the head.
I love what you say and it simply is so true, that a friend loves you for who and what you are, not the amount of time you spend together.
No Dani, you never took me for granted. It never felt that way. In contrary, you are always very appreciative for every little thing - and especially when you're not busy with me. That's one of the things that make you very special, among many others.
Every individual is usually concerned about him/herself. That's in the nature of being who we are. So of course it's about you. And therefore, yeah, it's about me, too. We are all selfish, in a way. But then again, I still believe it's not about us but how we put ourselves in this world in relation to others.
There simply is no greater gift you could ever give to your bigbro than declaring me your heartfelt friendship! Indeed, we can never guarantee to be right there where we are needed yet we always are - that's what I truly believe - because we are friends! And don't worry that I feel fragile every once in a while. That simply is a part of me and will probably never go away but at least I can learn to deal with it. And thanks to your friendship and endless support you are giving to me over and over again I think I manage a little better month by month...
Woah... lilbro! I think there has never been a more beautiful, a more powerful, a more honest declaration of friendship than yours! I am stunned! I cannot say anything.
Dani, I honestly cannot tell you how much your words mean to me. I am pretty sure you know me good enough by now to understand that it means the world to me. I am deeply moved by your words and all I can answer to you is to thank you for being the friend you are, deeply thank you for being such a wonderful and honest friend, for being that little brother I never had, for being the wonderful man who I am privileged enough to call my true friend.
Lilbro, we are both right, it's not about me nor you. It's about love that creates beautiful friendships.
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